The end of the community you wanted to be...

I'm thinking of the dynamic called community.

Not just the type you pick and choose.

But the kind of dynamic that has become so easy to use and abuse enough to rethink how we ALL respect the instinct called Community.

Like how right now Washington DC is talking about how we need Community support in our educational system more.

Like never before...

But what do you really know about being a community where you are right now more than you have been?

And why is what I'm talking about more of a personal problem for everyone including every one of you reading this.

Because I miss the dynamic I remember seeing called a community. 

And if this is the end of a era?

Let it be the end of each one of us trying to fool ourselves and everyone around us as to how we see our communities globally and not just locally.

Because these crack babies aint no different than these somebody's child.

And they all are gonna go wild if we let them.

But first...

We all have to be better communities.

Globally.

And NOT locally.

respect

My life is worth more than I let others define Me.

Ok, I'm back after quite a bit of prayer and meditation over quite a lot of personal emotions I have been suppressing this holiday season like so many years in My past.
And what I have to say may not be comfortable for a lot of people but I have to get this out...
*evil stare*
I have never felt the pain of that son who took the lives of so many along with his parents today.
I don't endorse his actions but I can relate to a certain type of pain he must have been suffering from in theory...
See..
ALL of My life has been a dirty little secret wrapped in shame and neglect.
From My conception that has been hidden in a certain shame that I never got the REAL TRUTH about who My real father is or was and why I have been considered the devil to My own mother on more occasions than I can remember or she will admit too.
To the whole story of how My grandmother really died and why so many people who remember My Grandfather kept calling Me his son.
To the reason why nobody has ever been able to find My real father who's name was Lewis Davis and on record in the city records of Pittsburgh Pa, but nobody wants to explain who was that guy My mother took with us on a ride to find out where My real father may have moved too the last time I went back home.
To all of the memories from My childhood that My family recalls how I saved us from being abandoned by both My parents on several occasions and yet every time I mention them days everyone wants to forget what part I played in sacrificing so much of My own childhood for the greater good of My family who has no problem with distancing their families from Me for the greater portion of My adult life.
To My issue with so many people I have befriended who have had no remorse in saving themselves and leaving Me alone with no repayment of the friendship I gave them in their growth.
To all the ugly answers to all the ugly questions My parents avoided and guarded to death before offering Me what I have been begging for all of My life.
To the reality that I have watched more people seclude Me from being considered as important as many of them in their new found memberships into these social orders they respect over their own family.
To the lack of actual concern for My own emotional need to be treated like I have treated others.
Yeah...
I have been dealing with quite a lot of issues My whole life.
Especially around the holiday seasons because I have now spent more of them alone than around the so called family and friends these holidays were ment to revolve around.
And yet I have struggled with My own personal respect for humanity while searching for that same definition in the many unforgotten memories of My own at the hands of so many who ave been close to Me due to My own devotion to supporting a cause that I have never been offered in return.
Yeah, I have had many days and nights that I questioned My own worth when I remember all the things I have sacrificed for others only to end up alone more than lonely.
And only this strange spirituality that I have found has kept Me from damning humanity as a whole for being so selfishly committed to a faith they surely do not honor as much as they use as a reason to turn their backs on so many in the name of their own reality.

And I had another one of them coming to Jesus moments today.
And I prayed over My issues and I meditated to calm My frustrations over so many reasons I have to curse humanity as it stands in the heads and hearts of so many who have no problem turning their backs on so many others as they cause more of what is happening today as the world shifts into a new age and energy.

And what I have come to the conclusion of is this...

I would rather live alone without anyone who can not understand My own personal convictions and emotional concerns than allow them to make Me more bitter towards humanity it's self.

I have found a better purpose where I am today.

I am worth more to so many who don't know Me personally from a distance than many of the people who claim to have been "closestly" related too. Because somehow they have been able to point out to Me My worth when I have sat in confusion as to why I am here on Earth. 

And I don't care who does not like what I have to say about My own personal feelings at this point.

I know, I am not perfect.
I know I do not belong to any importance other than why GOD placed Me here.
I know that I will never be one of them other people who live life to the fullest.
I know that the only thing wrong with Me is that I have been allowing the treatment of others define who I am today.
And I'm done...

I'm done caring about people who can not understand why I don't feel cared for...
I'm done allowing others to have too much of My time for My own personal need to be important to others...
I'm done trying to reach out to others who don't have anything productive to offer Me in return.

I'm done with not telling My story for the sake of not exposing the pain connected to My own conception.
I'm done with being ashamed to be of un pure blood.
I'm done with allowing anyone, including My family and friends, to devalue My need for love and respect as is.

And I will never let anyone try to fool Me into believing that what I have in My life to date is due to My own contribution in their lives.

I am a Island.

*evil grin*

GOD made Me who I am.

And the ONLY person I have to impress?
Is Myself.

I am a enigma.
But I'm alive because GOD believes in Me more than everyone else that made Me who I am to them.

December 21st 2012 is not a end.
It's a beginning.
And people are biodegradable because GOD made us that way.

respect