Respecting your relationship in and out of the lifestyle

The BDSM lifestyle is popular now with the many online freaks who want to get into something new.

But it's not knew

Be it the S/m r D/s or even some styles of swinging

All of it is surrounded within the confounds of a relationship of some sort.

"Honor Amungst Freaks"

Everything between consenting adults is commited in some way shape or fashionor form.


It's all about what you want, and what YOU will do to have as much of it as you seek

Most times many fall short for the emotion fueled by greed and lust

But trust

Is not as valuable as yur dedication to YOUR WORD and what you say YOU ARE ABOUT.

You can't half step and think that people will treat you nice just because your curious and want to do something freaky with others who take this shit personal

If you want to get into it?


LEARN!

You can find most of ALL you need in your journey into your lifestyle on the FIRST PAGE OF A GENERAL SEARCH on the subject


Print it out

Learn it


And then ask yourself..." Is this something I want to get into?"

If the answer is yes?


Then it is on YOU

To put the work in on what YOU provide to the lifestyle


Because these lifestyles don't OWE YOU shit!


You owe the lifestyles your dedication to what you want to BRING to it...not get out of it.


Selfish people do not enjoy the lifestyle

They survive it!



You first have to understand that the word LIFE STYLE means YOU are willing to effect others lives.

If you do not want to consider that you have that kind of power to distroy or enhance others relationships?


Then you NEED TO BUY SOME SEX TOYS AND GO PLAY WITH YOURSELF...


This is our lives

Our loves

Our Lust


And if we have to fuck you up or over to protect it?

It's your fault!


Because YOU come to people who are IN THESE LIFESTYLES out of greed and lust.

And they can't trust you to be who you say YOU ARE, as you enter these lifestyles


You all need to understand that these lifestyles are for people who HAVE A LIFE too.



If you are a selfish person?

You are gonna have some hard times finding what suits JUST YOU, and only you.


Because this lifestyle is not made for selfish people!


Here's some info on how simple and complex this selfishness reall is and how it effects the lifestyles and even online communites...


....Selfishness:


Selfishness is a subjective term. To some, it implies the concept and/or practice of concern with one's own interests in some sort of priority to the interests of others. To others, being "selfish" just means trying to meet your own needs. There are also those who believe the use of the term can be an attempt at manipulating someone else. What is "selfish" depends, then on one's perspective.


Selfishness regarded as good, or a healthy thing

There are some non-religious philosophies that hold a positive view of selfishness, usually on the basis that it isn't what the common usage refers to, and that the identification of 'promotion of the self' with 'evil' is an unhealthy practice that actually devalues some good qualities such as productivity or the taking of personal responsibility. One view is that since one needs to act in a mainly self-interested way in order to advance in life doing so should not be regarded as wrong, or labelled as harmful or inappropriate.

Similarly, individuals might ask themselves why they ought to choose to act unselfishly anyway if they have no guarantee in advance that others in the world will not act selfishly. One will tend to act selfishly for one's own self-protection, in a world where one mainly encounters others doing the same.

Furthermore, schools of thought such as psychological egoism view every behavior as 'selfish' in nature, even that of a so-called altruist. (meaning the 'atruist' behaves as such out of a personal self-interest, whether that be a desire to be selfless, a joy they get from giving to others, a debt they feel they need to repay to others or even some form of guilt) This is essentially saying that any choice to act is done so for a 'positive net gain' to self. This does not mean that the intended result need be completely 'positive' as far as the individuals' interest is concerned, merely that the intented result is 'better' for themselves than the alternatives. (e.g. going to the dentist may be a negative experience but it beats having a toothache)


Group selfishness (as compared to individual selfishness)

Selfishness usually refers to the self - that is, to the individual. However, in common speech, a group of people can be accused of "selfishness" too, in the sense that members of that group are not concerned with the welfare of anyone outside their group but are only inward-looking: concentrating on the needs of the group. This may in some circumstances be characterized as indirect self-interest.


Use of the term "Selfish" as manipulation

In some cases the use of the term "selfish" may simply be an attempt by one person to manipulate the person they are calling selfish. For example, consider a mother who wants her daughter to stay home and keep her company, or to help her clean the house. If the daughter wants to go out with her friends instead, a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do, the mother might call her "selfish".


General

Based on the theory of the iterated prisoner's dilemma, evolutionary biologists and game-theorists come to the conclusion that selfishness is - besides cooperation among relatives and genetically programmed behaviour - the basis for cooperation among individuals of the same or different species.

While some would characterize selfishness as the opposite of Altruism, a more indepth understanding of the nature of the two ideas (see Dawkin's Selfish Gene and the Prisoner's dilemma) and how they tend to overlap or follow directly from one another, leads others to consider it to be a false dichotomy based on artificially strict definitions.



]See also

Altruism
Egoism
Egotism
Enlightened self-interest
Ethic of reciprocity (the 'Golden Rule')
Generosity
A Theory of Justice (by John Rawls)
Objectivist philosophy


References

Twilight of the Idols, Friedrich Nietzsche Penguin Classics; Reissue edition (February 15, 1990), ISBN 0140445145

The Evolution of Cooperation, Robert Axelrod, Basic Books, ISBN 0-465-02121-2

The Selfish Gene, Richard Dawkins (1990), second edition -- includes two chapters about the evolution of cooperation, ISBN 0-19-286092-5


Here is some info on this selfish gene...


The Selfish Gene is a very popular and somewhat controversial book on evolution by Richard Dawkins, published in 1976. It builds upon the principal theory of George C. Williams's first book Adaptation and Natural Selection. Dawkins coined the term selfish gene as a provocative way of expressing the gene-centered view of evolution, which holds that evolution is best viewed as acting on genes, and that selection at the level of organisms or populations almost never overrides selection based on genes. An organism is expected to evolve to maximise its inclusive fitness – the number of copies of its genes passed on globally (rather than by a particular individual). As a result, populations will tend towards an evolutionarily stable strategy. The book also coins the term meme for a unit of human cultural evolution analogous to the gene, suggesting that such "selfish" replication may also model human culture, in a different sense. Memetics has become the subject of many studies since the publication of the book.


"Selfish" genes

Describing genes with the term "selfish" is not meant to imply that they have actual motives or will – only that their effects can be accurately described as if they do. The contention is that the genes that get passed on are the ones whose consequences serve their own implicit interests, not necessarily those of the organism, much less any larger level. Some people find this metaphor entirely clear, while others find it confusing, misleading or simply redundant to ascribe mental attributes to something that is mindless. For example, Andrew Brown has written:
"Selfish", when applied to genes, doesn't mean "selfish" at all. It means, instead, an extremely important quality for which there is no good word in the English language: "the quality of being copied by a Darwinian selection process." This is a complicated mouthful. There ought to be a better, shorter word – but "selfish" isn't it.[1]
A crude analogy can be found in the old saw about a chicken being just an egg's way of making more eggs. In a similar inversion, Dawkins describes biological organisms as "vehicles" or survival machines, with genes as the "replicators" that create these organisms as a means of acquiring resources and copying themselves. At the level of organisms, we can see genes as being for some feature that might benefit the organism, but at the level of genes, the sole implicit purpose is to benefit themselves. A related concept here is the extended phenotype, in which the consequences of the genes to the environment outside the organism are considered.
[edit]Genes and selection

Dawkins proposes that genes that help the organism, which they happen to be in, to survive and reproduce tend to also improve their own chances of being passed on, so – most of the time – "successful" genes will also be beneficial to the organism. An example of this might be a gene that protects the organism against a disease, which helps the gene spread and also helps the organism. There are other times when the implicit interests of the vehicle and replicator are in conflict, such as the genes behind certain male spiders' instinctive mating behaviour, which increase the organism's inclusive fitness by allowing it to reproduce, but shorten its life by exposing it to the risk of being eaten by the cannibalistic female. Another good example is the existence of segregation distortion genes that are detrimental to their host but nonetheless propagate themselves at its expense. Likewise, the existence of junk DNA that provides no benefit to its host, once a puzzle, can be more easily explained. A more controversial example is aging, in which an old organism's death makes room for its offspring, benefiting its genes at the cost of the organism.
These examples might suggest that there is a power-struggle between genes and their host. In fact, the claim is that there isn't much of a struggle because the genes usually win without a fight. Only if the organism becomes intelligent enough to understand its own interests, as distinct from those of its genes, can there be true conflict. An example of this would be a person deciding not to breed because they'd be miserable raising children, even though their genes lose out due to this decision.
When looked at from the point of view of gene selection, many biological phenomena that, in prior models, were difficult to explain become easier to understand. In particular, phenomena such as kin selection and eusociality, where organisms act altruistically, against their individual interests (in the sense of health, safety or personal reproduction) to help related organisms reproduce, can be explained as genes helping copies of themselves in other bodies to replicate. Interestingly, the "selfish" actions of genes lead to unselfish actions by organisms.
Prior to the 1960s, it was common for such behaviour to be explained in terms of group selection, where the benefits to the organism or even population were supposed to account for the popularity of the genes responsible for the tendency towards that behaviour. This was shown not to be an evolutionarily stable strategy, in that it would only take a single individual with a tendency towards more selfish behaviour to undermine a population otherwise filled only with the gene for altruism towards non-kin.
[edit]Acclaim and criticism

The book was extremely popular when first published, and continues to be widely read. It has sold over a million copies, and been translated into more than 25 languages.[2] Proponents argue that the central point, that the gene is the unit of selection, usefully completes and extends the explanation of evolution given by Charles Darwin before the basic mechanisms of genetics were understood. Critics argue that it oversimplifies the relationship between genes and the organism.
Most modern evolutionary biologists accept that the idea is consistent with many processes in evolution. However, the view that selection on other levels, such as organisms and populations, seldom opposes selection on genes is more controversial. While naive versions of group selectionism have been disproved, more sophisticated formulations make accurate predictions in some cases while positing selection at higher levels. Nevertheless, the explanatory gains of using sophisticated formulations of group selectionism as opposed to Dawkins' gene-centered selectionism is still under dispute.
Some biologists have criticised the idea for describing the gene as the unit of selection, but suggest describing the gene as the unit of evolution, on the grounds that selection is a "here and now" event of reproduction and survival, while evolution is the long-term trend of shifting allele frequencies.[3]
Another criticism of the book, made by the philosopher Mary Midgley in her book Evolution as a Religion, is that it discusses philosophical and moral questions that go beyond the biological arguments that Dawkins makes. For instance, humanity finally gaining power over the "selfish replicators" is a major theme at the end of the book. Dawkins has pointed out that he is only describing how things are under evolution, not endorsing them as morally good.[4]
[edit]Editions

The Selfish Gene was first published in 1976 in eleven chapters with a preface by the author and a foreword by Robert Trivers. A second edition was published in 1989. This edition added two extra chapters, and substantial endnotes to the preceding chapters, reflecting new findings and thoughts. It also added a second preface by the author, but the original foreword by Trivers was dropped. In 2006, a 30th anniversary edition was published which reinstated the Trivers foreword and contained a new introduction by the author (alongside the previous two prefaces), and also some selected extracts from reviews at the back.
[edit]30th anniversary celebrations (2006)

For the 30th anniversary of the publication of The Selfish Gene, a festschrift was published entitled Richard Dawkins: How a Scientist Changed the Way We Think. (An anniversary edition of The Selfish Gene was also published as mentioned above.) In March 2006, a special event entitled The Selfish Gene: Thirty Years On was held at the London School of Economics. The event was organised by Helena Cronin, and chaired by Melvyn Bragg. The programme was as follows:

The Selfish Gene: Thirty Years On (1:22:55)
00:00 – Melvyn Bragg – Introduction
02:20 – Daniel Dennett – The view from Dawkins' mountain
18:35 – John Krebs – From intellectual plumbing to arms races
31:55 – Matt Ridley – Selfish DNA and the junk in the genome
46:15 – Ian McEwan – Science writing: Towards a literary tradition?
1:00:00 – Richard Dawkins – Afterword


...

Oh kay!
...


Soooo...

What did you learn here?


If your smart?

You would now understand that these lifestyles are not for the mentally dysfunctional who want a hide'n place amungst freaks

It's real life


And until you learn how to respect each other and this lifestyle in general and how YOU effect IT?




Nobody lives a str8 life...

Everyone is a freak.



But it's all about...










respect

GAY or STR8 , if you don't relate then you do hate.

No offence to anyone. Respect this page!


This is where we take a ride to the dark side of life. You may not like it. But you may find healing, hope, and humor.




Respect the language and the culture you seek and don't hate the freak!




The lifestyle that most of you want to get deeper into is NOT NEW nor is it a str8 lifestyle.


THAT is one of the big issues with many of new day lifestylers, because many are kinda "homo-phobe" when it comes to sex and the lifestyle in general.



Most times it's the Gay and Lesbian groups as well as many STR8 MEN who have issues mixing in social or cultural circles...

And in this lifestyle?

We don't have enough POC (people of color) to seperate into HATE catagories...although many do...often.


And some of the issues that we have been have'n on 360 has been from many of these groups types who DON"T KNoW shit about this subject.

All they know is that some str8 black guy is talking negitive about some gay people?


Bullshit...


I'm talking about a life and a lifestyle that many of you don't have a clue about...


So lets just start again by reading this article...



http://www.verbatimmag.com/summer99.html


VERBATIM

The Language Quarterly
Language and linguistics for the layperson since 1974
VERBATIM, Summer 1999 Vol. 24 No. 3

Slayer Slang (Part 1) - The marvellous slang uses and inventions of the popular TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. by Michael Adams

Identity and Language in the SM Scene - The importance of language in forming identity, and some misunderstandings that can arise. . . by M.A. Buchanan
I May Already Be A Wiener - One man's struggle with his name. by Gary Wiener

Obiter Dicta: A Bestiary of Adjectives - Our curious habit of describing human attributes in animal language-anthropomorism in reverse. by Susan Elkins

It's All Double Janglish to Me! - The puzzling world of Japanese advertising "English." What on earth could it mean? Or does it matter? by Martin Nuttall

Widows, Orphans, and ?--Semantic Holes - What we don't have words for, and what that means about us. by Sol Saporta

Words for Their Own Sake - Words as words: which are your favorites? by John Konrad Kern

Bats as Symbols - In China, bats are symbols of good omen. Could the word for "bat" be the reason? by Frank Holan

An excerpt from A Dictionary of Interesting Collisions by Gary Egan

Departments

Epistolae - We get letters.

SIC! SIC! SIC! - Errors from all over.

Versibus - A Backhanded Pardon by Henry George Fischer.

Ex Cathedra - Words from your editor.

Classical Blather - Juney 'Toons by Nick Humez

Bibliographia Signs in Contemporary Culture: An Introduction to Semiotics

Bibliographia Letter Writing Made Easy! Featuring Sample Letters for Hundreds of Common Occasions (vols. 1 and 2)

Bibliographia A Bawdy Language: How a Second-Rate Language Slept Its Way to the Top

Puzzles Anglo-American Crossword No. 81

Puzzles Verbal Analogies, by Dr. P.A. Pomfrit



Slayer Slang (Part 1)

by Michael Adams
Albright College

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BTVS), a recent teen television hit, coins slang terms and phrases in nearly every episode, many of them formed in the usual ways, some of them at the crest of new formative tendencies, and some of them interesting, not only lexically, but morphosyntactically. The show incorporates familiar slang, too; the familiar and newly coined "slayer slang" together compose a particularly vivid snapshot of current American teen slang. Examina-tion of mainstream and cult magazines, fan books, and websites, however, suggests that slayer slang, far from being ephemeral vocabulary, steadily intrudes on everyday speech and may be here to stay.

Joss Whedon, a versatile screenwriter whose credits include Alien: Resurrection, Toy Story, and Speed, introduced Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the eponymous feature film (1992). He subsequently adapted the story for the small screen. The series premiered on March 10, 1997 and this year completed its third season. Its fairly large following, the largest of any show on the U.S. WB (Warner Brothers) network, consists of teens and twenty-somethings who share a taste for Anne Rice novels and cinema on the cusp of the fantastic. Fans of the show have proved extraordinarily dedicated to it: they support a Buffy industry that already produces the obligatory t-shirts, posters, trading cards, jewelry, and shot glasses and has generated a dozen novelizations, a quarterly magazine, five or so books about the show, and dozens of articles in dozens of magazines. In December 1998 there were 1,816 websites worldwide devoted to Buffy, most of them located in the United States, but including sites in Canada, Australia, Great Britain, Germany, France, and Singapore. "BTVS: Slayer Central," a site chosen at random, registered over 25,000 hits in 1998, and no wonder: that site has received the Buffy Index Award, the Graveyard Award, BTVS Land’s Award, the Nosferatu Award, and the Buffy Award for Outstanding Sites, among others. Homage for Buffy is more frequent, more sincere, and more competitive than most of us can imagine easily.

The series opens with a formulaic introduction to vampire slayers, of which Buffy is only the most recent: "As long as there have been demons, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One, born with the strength and skill to hunt vampires and other deadly creatures . . . to stop the spread of their evil. When one Slayer dies, the next is called and trained by the Watcher." Buffy is a reluctant slayer: vampires interfere with her cheerleading career and her social life. After burning her Los Angeles high school to the ground during a prom in order to kill the vampires who attempted to turn the event into a blood-fest, Buffy Summers moved to Sunnydale, California. Unable to escape her destiny as the Slayer, however, she encounters her new Watcher, Rupert Giles, who poses as Sunnydale High School’s librarian. Sunnydale, we discover in the first episode, is located on a Hellmouth, and vampires roam the streets freely, bent on nothing less than the destruction of this world. Though her identity should be secret, a few friends know Buffy as the Slayer and assist her: Willow Rosenberg, her best friend, is a brilliant computer nerd who once loved her childhood friend, Xander Harris; Xander is clever enough, too, though an underachiever, has a crush on Buffy, but has always loved Willow; Cordelia Chase is rich, popular, acid-tongued, and unaccountably in love with her boyfriend, Xander; Oz, incidentally a werewolf, is usually just Willow’s boyfriend and plays guitar in a band; and Buffy falls in love with Angel, a reformed vampire who turns bad again, and whom Buffy is forced to kill at the end of the second season. By twists of plot too convoluted to rehearse here, a rival slayer named Faith appears in the third season, a high school drop-out, horny, leathered, and tattooed. They are all average kids, in average relationships, battling the forces of adolescent evil, personified, in a sense, by vampires, demons, and monsters; they are also particularly adept speakers of American English, especially of slang.

Of course, the show employs plenty of familiar slang, some recorded in dictionaries and some not. The oldest item, five-by-five, Faith may have gleaned from the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang, where it appears, in the sense Faith employs, in a single quotation from 1983: "How are you?" Buffy asks Faith, to which she responds, "Five-by-five." "I’ll interpret that as good," glosses Buffy in turn, and very near the dictionary’s ‘perfect, fine.’ If Faith’s Goth-chick slang veers towards the obscure, other characters favor the teen mainstream: "Don’t worry, I can deal," Buffy assures her companions; "So, you’re not down with Angel," she acknowledges of Spike, Angel’s rival among Sunnydale vampires; "That’s the sound she makes when she’s speechless with geeker joy," Xander explains of Willow; "Don’t forget, you’re supposed to be a girly girl, like the rest of us," Willow reminds Buffy. "Great," says Willow, "I’ll give Xander a call. What’s his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I’m dating a skanky ho"; "You just went O.J. on your girlfriend," Buffy remarks to one unfortunate; "My egg went postal on me," she explains after a monster hatches from it. Buffy, just like any real American teen, develops crushes on hotties, but if the love is unrequited, the situation is, like, totally heinous. Buffy, far from abject, chills. Maybe she’ll stay at home on Saturday and veg rather than indulge the boy’s unromantic riff. If the hottie in question asks her out again, she might see an upside and be good to go, or she might ask herself, "What’s up with that?" refuse him sarcastically with archaic, and therefore insincere, slang, like "Wow, you’re a dish," and then bail. Whatever, you get the idea.

But the show does more than merely capture current teen slang; rather, it is endlessly, if unevenly, inventive. Thus Buffy, only tentatively supporting the romance budding between Xander and Cordelia, assures them, "I’m glad that you guys are getting along, almost really." Vampires, apparently cast into fashion Limbo on the day they become undead, are often marked by their unstylish wardrobes. "Look at his jacket," says Buffy of one them. "It’s dated?" asks Giles, to which Buffy responds, "It’s carbon-dated." When Cordelia dumps him, Xander asks a young, not awfully proficient witch to cast a love spell on Cordelia; when it backfires and affects everyone BUT Cordelia, he muses to Giles, "Every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle-monkey."

Most of us are lucky if we’re carefree, but the Slayer thinks in grander terms: "I don’t have a destiny," she retorts, when reminded of her cosmic role, "I’m destiny-free." When bitten by his infant nephew, Oz is shocked to learn that he belongs to a family of werewolves: "It’s not every day you find out you’re a werewolf," he explains, "That’s fairly freaksome." In spite of the lunar cycle, Oz’s popularity, his social position, is intact, but not everyone in high school is so lucky, as Cordelia, ever alert on such matters, points out: "Doesn’t Owen realize he’s hitting a major backspace by hanging out with that loser?" Teens map their own linguistic territory, as opposed to their parents’, with slang, and sometimes "improve" earlier slang to stake their own generation’s claim. Cordelia complains to a petulant Buffy, "Whatever is causing the Joan Collins ’tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it." Cordelia’s coinage puts her divorced parents’ pop-psychological jargon in its place.

With vampire slaying and other important teen responsibilities imminent, Buffy and her cohort are forced "to do round robin" which, as Willow glosses, is "where everybody calls everybody else’s mom and tells them they’re staying at everybody’s house." Slang for Sunnydale teens, as for teens worldwide, serves as a transgressive code. Fun abounds for average teenagers, who round robin to party in the Sunnydale graveyard, but, as the Slayer who inevitably saves them from rising vampires ruminates, "It’s all mootville for me." Instead, she’s forced to play miniature golf with her mother’s boyfriend; when she cheats and the boyfriend, actually a robot who makes people like him by lacing baked goods with pleasant sedatives, overreacts, she admits, "Yeah, I kicked my ball in, put me in jail, but he totally wigged." Man or robot, the prospect of a boyfriend for mom unsettles her: "You know how dispiriting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies," a sentiment echoed in the hearts and minds, at least, of teen viewers everywhere.

Lest the show seem "cleaner" than other adolescent TV, sex comes up frequently, especially regarding Buffy’s relationship with Angel. Angel, though a vampire, had regained his soul, but when he and Buffy have sexual relations, her first, he finally experiences true happiness,

the trigger that fires his soul back to Hell. Given the plot on its own terms, and the way in which the story metaphorically represents one take on adolescent sexual experiment (whatever boys say before sex, they’re monsters afterwards, sex kills, etc.), the show’s references to sex are, for the most part, predictably innocent. Unlike the other characters, however, Faith is sexually active, her sexual language potent and notably absent from the dictionary record: "Bet you and Scott have been up here kicking the gear stick," she remarks to Buffy as they hunt vampires on Lovers’ Lane; unable to leave the subject alone, she asks, "Do you ever catch kids doing the diddy out here?" Faith’s sexual references aren’t always euphemistic and lighthearted, however. At her earthiest, she grunts: "I mean, I’m sorry, it’s just, all this sweating nightly, side-by-side action, and you never put in for a little after-hours unh?" Sometimes she is even racier, but careful of the FCC: "Tell me that if you don’t get in a good slaying, after a while, you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good unh."

It is difficult to imagine the value of such terms to the show, embedded as they are in a rich and dynamic context, context that resists excerption. Meaning, then, is sometimes difficult to isolate, but not the sociolinguistic importance of slayer slang: every major character in the show coins or derives terms to reflect subtly his or her social and psychological experience. The result is clever, precise, and expressive, as the language of adults, slang or other, naturally cannot be. Neither Buffy nor any of her associates is, as Oz denominates a particularly dim bulb, "a master of the single entendre," and the show’s continual use of slang, not to mention its running commentary on the English language, successfully dignifies teen language and the range of teen experience for which it speaks.

Evidence already quoted proves that the English language often occupies the writers’ minds, and thus it often occupies the characters’ minds, as well. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is an especially language-conscious television show. The characters are backhanded definers ("Man, that’s like, I don’t know, that’s moxie, or something."); bemused grammarians (in one episode, Willow struggles to determine whether one should say "slayed" or "slew"), amateur etymologists (""The whole nine yards"–what does it mean? This is going to bother me all day."); or self-conscious stylists ("Again, so many words. Couldn’t we just say, "We be in trouble? . . . Gone." Notice the economy of phrasing: "Gone." Simple, direct."), whatever the situation demands. "Apparently Buffy has decided that what’s wrong with the English language is all those pesky words," Xander remarks in one episode. But the problem may not be the absolute number of words so much as the plethora of inadequately expressive ones. As the show continually demonstrates, teens dissatisfied with the language they inherit can invent a language in which the words are, not pesky, but relevant.

While much of the show’s slang reproduces the current teen lexicon (good fortune for slang lexicographers, who comb the media for words generally spoken, and then only recently), Buffy the Vampire Slayer not only invents slang, but intends to do so. As Sarah Michelle Gellar, the actress who plays Buffy, explained to the Rolling Stone (April 2, 1998), "Let me tell you how un-Buffy I am . . . For the first episode, I come in and yell, "What’s the sitch?" I did not know what "sitch" meant. I still have to ask Joss [Whedon], "What does this mean?" because I don’t speak the lingo. I think he makes it up half the time.’ "The slang? I make it all up," says Whedon cheerfully, though Gellar’s estimate is more accurate. Once America’s busiest teen, Gellar nonetheless surely knows plenty of slang, and her ignorance of Whedon’s lingo is one indication of its novelty. Viewers recognize and appreciate the show’s characteristic innovation: while playing the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Drinking Game (for which the official shot glasses come in handy), viewers are invited to drink whenever "Buffy utters a ‘Buffy-ism,’ though we are told that this category "Does not include CBS’s (Cute Buffy Sayings) like: ‘Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatalities.’" According to the rules, CBS’s deserve two sips, where Buffy-isms warrant only one, but the game neatly distinguishes the show’s linguistics from its poetics. Naturally, the former interests us primarily, and the sequel to this first of a two-part article will consider the semantics and morphology of slayer slang in some detail.

[The second part to come in the next issue. –Ed.]






Identity and Language in the SM Scene

M. A. Buchanan
New York, New York

For the past seven years, I have been studying the process of identity formation among SM/radical-sex practitioners living in and around New York City, in preparation for my doctoral thesis in cultural anthropology. Among the first things that I noticed when I started doing my research was the importance of language in the definition of what people in my subject group did, how they thought about it, and how they saw themselves in relation both to other differently pleasured people (swingers, clothing fetishists) and the "normal" world. I also found that problems arose between practitioners and non-practitioners at the intersections of language: that because the SM world has co-opted so many ordinary words and phrases, these became almost unintelligible to outsiders.

I have two favorite examples of this. The first involved an informant of mine who was asked to give a speech on SM to an organization of "vanilla" (non-kinky) men. My informant was Chinese-American (I’ll call him John) and one of the leaders of a very prominent SM organization here in New York. The group had been trying to promote itself as being open to people of color, so when John was asked to give a talk to a local group of Asian and Pacific Rim gay men, he jumped at the chance. John went to the meeting in his finest leathers and wore the colors of his organization.1

After doing the usual SM 101 lecture and emphasizing that he was considered a leader in his community,2 he opened the floor to questions. There were none. He was rather disappointed: He could tell that his audience was being more polite to this strange guest than anything else. Finally when the meeting was over, a Chinese-American couple approached him. They said that they had enjoyed his talk, and were surprised that leathermen were inclusive.3 They had always thought that SM was something that only weird white men did.4 Still, they said, they didn’t think that they could ever try kinky sex. They preferred their own quiet sex life the way it was. Out of curiosity at this complacent couple, John asked them what they enjoyed the most about their sex lives. "Well, what we really like is choking each other. None of that wild stuff for us."5

The second story is about a women’s SM organization that was looking to increase its numbers. The group knew that there were many women in the city who were doing SM in private. Some of these women even turned up in the local sex clubs, but they never came to any of the events of the women’s groups. Finally the membership committee decided to make up a flyer that could be used as an ad in the local gay paper and distributed at clubs. Unfortunately they kept having problems with the wording. If they said "masters and slaves welcome," there were women of color who wouldn’t attend meetings because the terms were considered offensive. If they said "dominants and submissives welcome," the switches6 and undecided might not come, because they’d feel excluded. If they said "butches and femmes welcome," straight women and androgynous lesbians might not come, because the terms implied a particular lesbian-oriented dichotomy. Finally the committee decided to put "all women welcome" on the flyer, which led to the crisis about the transgender male-to-female who wanted to join (but that’s another article).

In both stories the essential problem was the real or anticipated misunderstanding of SM language. Language acts as the markers for the parameters of thought. What may and may not be contemplated by members of a society is encoded in the language used by its members.7 When the language of one group collides with or is appropriated by another, something gets lost in the translation that at least one group doesn’t see as necessary.

SM practitioners often see themselves as crossing an invisible boundary into a parallel universe, SM-Land. They refer to the time "outside of the Scene" as "real life," as though what they do inside the scene is less real or more ephemeral and shadowy than the grind of going to the supermarket. Yet the ideal for many people is to become "hardcore," "lifestyle," or "24/7" to live, eat, and drink SM all the time, or at least to incorporate it into their daily lives. Doing so, however, requires a heightened ability to translate one’s secret language to the world outside, so that vanilla neighbors, co-workers (if any), and strangers will tolerate one’s presence even if they find one’s living choices unacceptable. If one cannot or will not go completely hardcore, than one has at least to mask oneself with the aura of plausible deniability, even to the point of denying one’s proclivities to oneself.

The terms D/S and B&D are perfect examples. D/S stands for dominance and submission, which sounds a tad less scary than SM. The term was popularized and probably invented by heterosexuals in SM chatrooms, where the majority of visitors are nice, middle-class people with houses in the suburbs. The term is consciously used as a way of distancing practitioners from the implications and stigma of SM, even though the terms are exact synonyms for each other. B&D, or bondage and discipline, is said by practitioners to be a milder version of SM, less violent than that nasty stuff, although somehow the "nasty stuff" never quite gets defined. Perhaps it’s because, again, B&D and SM are actually one and the same, with B&D having slightly more emphasis on roleplay. The desire to mask one’s participation in one’s own personal theatre of cruelty seems to be almost as strong as a desire to create one in the first place.

But the desire to mask oneself does not merely arise from shame over one’s own behavior. As I said before, one has the neighbors to think about. And the police: A local organization had a talk a few years ago on the subject "daddies and their little girls." The meeting was attended by a variety of people, including two of the most obviously on-duty undercover cops the world has ever seen. They were probably the only ones in the room who were horrified to see three women in their thirties and forties talking about the joys of dressing in bobby socks and going to the park with their older lovers. The terminology of "ageplay" had apparently not found its way to the captain of the local vice squad, who would have done well to buy a copy of Sensuous Magic, by Pat Califia, and saved himself and his officers the trouble of a tedious (to them) meeting.



In a few cases, SM organizations have actually had sit-downs with the police to explain what all the mysterious terms on their flyers and in their books mean, and they have been successful in removing the constabulary’s unwarranted fears of illegal behaviors. They have even written glossaries of both well-recognized and little-used terms for newcomers, so that their world might be a bit more comprehensible. I leave you with a few terms and their translations:

Body Modification–altering the surface of the body, whether temporarily or permanently. In other words, tattooing, branding, scarification, permanent piercing, corsetry. Earrings and a bustier would be considered body modification.

Collar–lit., a length of chain, leather, or other adornment placed around the neck to indicate that a person is in service to another. This may be worn for the evening or for a longer period.

Forced crossdressing–what it’s called when a man brings a bag full of women’s clothing that he’s bought for himself to a dominatrix and pretends that he doesn’t want to wear them.

Flagging–indicating ones’ preference as a top or a bottom and what type of activities one likes by wearing keys, jewelry, or bandannas on one side of your body or the other. Left means top or dominant; right means bottom or submissive.

Houseboy–a bottom whose duties include cleaning, waiting on guests, answering the door, laundry, cooking, and any other household duties the top may assign. The bottom may or may not live with the top, and this may or not be a sexual relationship. Although I have heard rumors that there are female house servants, I have never run across one. For some reason, only men seem to like doing chores as a sexual outlet.

Negotiation–the exchange of information on SM preferences and limits, and the decision of whether or not to play between two or more prospective partners. The SM equivalent of dating.

Property–a bottom, who by the nature of the relationship is owned or controlled, either partially or completely by the dominant. Often there is a written contract that spells out the terms of the relationship.

Role-reversal–what some practitioners call it when a man gives up sexual and other types of control to his (always) female dominant. Naturally, role-reversal is only a temporary state of things.

Wrapping–the accidental delivery of a whipstroke that causes the tips to land on the side of the body as opposed to the front or the back. Wrapping is considered to be bad because it can leave marks and be quite painful.




Notes

1 Leathers is the generic term for SM related clothing, in this case a leather shirt, vest, and black denim jeans. Leathers can also indicate a chain harness, a jockstrap, and a smile, or any other combination that you can think of. Colors is the term used for the backpatch worn on a leather vest. It denotes one’s organizational affiliation. Colors can also consist of club pins or a club t-shirt.

2 SM 101 is the term used when giving the "we’re safe, sane, and consensual, and we live right next door" talk to vanilla people. These talks always emphasize how safe, cuddly, and friendly SM people and practices are and usually involve much flourishing of suede whips and pieces of fur as examples of the kinds of equipment used. While these talks are always technically true, they always seem to leave out the fact that the chief fun in doing SM is in being naughty. As a friend of mine once said after going to a talk on lesbian history, "From the way they talk, you’d believe it was nothing more than a political movement and didn’t involve sex at all."

3 Leatherman is a term denoting gay and bisexual men who like wearing leather for sexual pleasure and/or doing SM. There are leathermen who only wear rubber but enjoy spankings, and there are leathermen who like to dress up and are horrified if someone wants to tie them up. Leatherfolk and leatherpeople tend to refer to SM people in general. Straight people usually say that they are "into the Scene," which sounds much more circumspect.

4 For the edification of European-Americans reading this article, I am now going to reveal a painful truth. Most of the people of color who are my informants have told me that when they were growing up they were told by friends and relatives that white people were all "try-sexuals," i.e., they would try anything in bed. In other words, they were seen as the sole source and receptacle of sexual perversion in the universe. I myself have actually heard black people claim that black homosexuality is caused by white men seducing black men. Fortunately, most of my POC informants no longer believe this nonsense, but in many cases this canard has made coming out as gay, into leather, or both, impossible.

5 Although the physiological effects can be excruciating arousing–see, e.g., the veiled reference to orgasm in Melville’s Billy Budd–choking, also known as breath control, is considered by most of the SM community to be so dangerous and far out that they rank it in a special category: edgeplay. Edgeplay includes any activity that could lead to physical or emotional trauma, or even death. Most practitioners will not even discuss edgeplay in front of novices or tourists (newcomers or curiosity-seekers) for fear of someone getting hurt or getting some very strange ideas about regular practice and safety protocols. Some practitioners even believe that edgeplay shouldn’t be discussed or practiced at all.

6 A switch is a person who, depending on the situation, may be willing to play as either a dominant or a submissive in an SM scenario.

7 A perfect example of this exists in Spanish. The standard Spanish words novio and novialiterally translate as "future spouse" or "affianced one." There is no word for "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" in the American English sense. This is because, as a Spanish-speaking friend told me, love relationships between young persons of the opposite sex were expected to lead, until recently, straight to marriage. Card stores in East Harlem have boyfriend and girlfriend cards in the English-language section, but the novio/novia cards tend to be more serious in tone than their English near-equivalents.



[M. A. Buchanan, MA, is a doctoral candidate in anthropology at New School University in New York City.]

All contents © VERBATIM: The Language Quarterly. No reproduction without permission.




So in general...this site is good to check out every now and then as well as many gay and lesbian articals...even if you are str8

The lifestyle it's self is for everyone

The big issue here is how so many groups try to take it personal that ALL of us are of the same lifestyles.

There aint but so much you can do with the himan body...and sexually...and it don't matter who or what you do. But the fact that we all do something simular...lol




So maybe the issue here is the fact that too many people THINK they know what the fuck they are doing.

BUT alot of the HATE that we have been getting is from some of these non-hetro people who THINK they shit don't stank just like the rest of us...

The sexual lifestyles we live are for everyone...

And there is enough HATE in the hetro world for many non hetro people hate'n on the hetro people too?

Shame on yahoo...and some of you too




respect



Tags: language

Yahoo 360's TOS policy for terrorist

This is how I came to be who I am right now...

I started my blog with the picture up above and the subject started with how we all need a break from our kids and them from so many parents today.

And how we all need to get away and take a break to let your hair down and release.

And I stated that while everyone does not live for the weekend?

I was gonna use my time this weekend to research the planets and their changes that have been effecting all of us.

But expecially many of us on 360 who have been going through alot of "spooky kinda" changes that have been cause;n many of us to "evolve" kinda like the TV show "Hero's"

And how I felt that many of us on 360 seemed to be almost held capture in this enviorment

And how many of us have been effected by each other, the planetary changes due to the Myan Calandar comming to a end, and the possible manipulation by the powers that be in and over this Beta Project on Yahoo.

And how I knew that many of us were feeling as if they knew of some helpfull hints that may assist many of us this weekend. And if by chance that we had a chance to read some helpfull hints of warning and caution today... We may be able to prevent so many others who will end up by Monday or Tuesday posting some drama they wished they would not have gone through this weekend.


And I asked that if anyone was feeling me? Leave some comments that may be in their heads that may be a message to someone else. ( Kinda like the dude who get's messages from the Big Giant Head on 3rd Rock from the Sun show on TV)



Well...

I had another post I made on Humpday that was a bit out there. But nothing worth being deleted.

Per say.




And I stated that I would bet anyone that by monday alot of people will be posting some crazy drama they had this weekend and how they wished they knew not to do them if they had a hint that it was gonna be that much drama in their lives.


Well it's now Friday night and Saturday Moanin...

But my page was GONE by early afternoon friday. Almost a hour or two after I posted the blog.



And at first I thought that it was somebody hate'n and had reported me. I even considered someone so possible that I posted her URL as a possible terrorist.

Well..

She stated that she didn't.

But she did leave some negative energy on my page on the previous blog on humpday. And it was NOT a joke or a short post. As a matter of fact it was two comment post long full. And she spoke about sex without love and shit...

Anywho

My shit got deleted

Over 300 post gone

Groups gone

Friends and contacts gone


And after speaking to my pops I realalized that there are more than just haters with profiles online. But also people who work to keep the masses ignorant and protect the mental stability of the new order.

Ok so what!

But to have my shit deleted just because they feared more people may awaken and realalise that we may be a bit more special than we want to be.


Well FUCK YOU assholes who are paid from our tax dallors to fuck with people.

And for the most part?

They all have the same bullshit stuck to their morality...


A disrespect for a Dominant Black Man who is a bit more gifted than they wish anyone to be at this point in the world order.

Well...

Fick you all

Because no matter what you do now?

Just because YOU made a bad choice as to who and how to fuck with us?

You may have sealed your fate comming soon


But this weekend is NOT a ordinary weekend either

Because NOBODY is even concerned at the fact that we have had 2 full moons this week and it has not been 7 days yet!




So now I have to start over to risk even this being deleted again by whoever out there who thinks they know what to fuck with just because they have a set of protocals that are not very clear.

And they are NOT equipted to understand who or what




So basicly


I have been considered disposable to some


And for that?



So may they be very soon in this new order and structure of what will be a new age for all of us.


And don't get me wrong!


I love my country


But I aint feeling their employees right now


And I wonder if anyone knows the possibilities of their actions?



Because NOW I AM ANGRY


And it's all their fault





And they will pay for my stress and loss of not just one page?


But a few more than I feel is fair to me.


And all the efforts I have made to try to inform and entertain


But everybody aint feeling wake'n up from this bullshit


AND THAT IS BIG BUISNESS HERE IN MY COUNTRY



But there is a big problem with the image and the respect given to Black men in general



And I will not tolerate anyone treating me as if I am expendable


Even if I die...I will make sure I use all I posses to fuck them back for sucking with me.







So now you know




I am now Mr Ez


But you can call me by my first name

Angry


And my last name


Blackman




Because I will not tolerate anything less that respect








And I'm pissed!






Feel me?
Tags: angry

Respect goes both ways to be respect for both sides

Respect goes both ways to be respect for both sides

There was a quote that I remember that best explains my attitude and da-meaner...lol

" I'm not a BACK STABBER. I'm a CHEST STABBER!"

If I have something to say or if I have a oppinion about something that effects me and others in my realm?

I'm NOT gonna hold back and listen to people jump around the truth for the need ot credibility

When I have had enough of back bite'n and bullshit rumors and people talking behind my back and being politicly correct in the public eye, when in private they got some foul shit to say about you?

HELL NAW!!!

I will respect you enough to bring it to your face. The same face that I too use on this Yahell 360

I will NOT act like gentleman about it. Because no gentleman would respect another for being sneaky in a inviorment that is too close and connected for shit not to come back to haunt you.


Now, I know that everybody aint like me.

Most would stoop to the sneaky tactics of smile'n in ones face while stabbing them every chance they get. And then act like they have had no sin?

Nope, I aint feelin it.

If my FATHER did or said some shit that was not cool about me?

I would be in his face too.

Because this is real life and a lifestyle

And I am not here to be your role model

And you dont have to like me

But when you dis-respect me too?
And act like aint been shit said and done in the recent past that was not respectable?

And then try to act like your shit don't stank just like the rest of us?

Sometimes my fingers move faster than my disgression

But sometimes you have to put it in the open, even if they don't want to do the same.

I will apologize to a point

But the point here is...

Yes, I have the word PIMP in my name

Yes, there was some bullshit that came with folks yellin at me on the phone like I was their bitch and challenging me to a duel in Mexico. All because they had no clear information of what was the issue. And the issue was NOT just my PIMP name. It was my swagger, my vibe, and my arival on their scen to hear some tell it.

And when I have to try to lower their volume in their presentation to me, out of dis-respect?

Yes... That shit sticks with me for a while. Because I treat everybody with a certain amount of respect. And sometimes I don't. But I don't stoop low enough to do offline character assination and then ACT like that shit didn't go too far all because of their integrity to the lifestyle or the respect of each party equally.


And yes...

I have heard my name in the mouths and advice in a not very resectfull way

Expecially when they don't know JACK SHIT about me enough to tell friends of mine some shit that they felt un-Ez about being in the middle of JUST BECAUSE THEY TOO wanted someone that was not considering anyone at all in the first place.

I can look over shit I hear when it comes from one person. But when you start to see others act as if I am a terrorist over someones parranoia?

I will bring it to them in the same venue they choose to put me into in a non attreactive way.


A woman will be a woman

And a man will be a man

And aint nobody gonna front about the thirsty manner many of these so called respectable folks act to others they don't know, just to get to know them better than others.

This aint no contest.

This is a adult lifestyle

With people of different cultures and mannerisms

And when someone does not agree with the image they portray ONLINE?

They act like their image is a real person

And that is some shallow shit

Even for a gentleman or a lady



Like I have always said

I am NOT a PIMP

But I am PIMPISH

And when shit gets to a point that people act like I am a back stabber? I will show you the difference between your understandings of me and the real me.

I respect you enough to come to you directly and speak my mind.

And if you dont like it?

My apologies.

But we aint cartoon characters on some make believe internet site

We all are real people


And if you can't respect when other come to you and state how they have been treated by you and your folks?


You don;t have to like it


But if YOU ARE that talented in conflict resolution?

You can see where they are comming from too.

Even if it's personal

Because it is just as personal to them.


I have never got another's page deleted

And to think that someone thinks that I am of that caliber too?

Kinda shows what they are working with.


This is real

This is real life

And we all are real people

And we all deserve the same amount of respect


And as of late?

The online BDSM, kink, and freaks of the D/s lifestyle have been off the chain with catty rumors and alot of character assasinations and a freash gallon of HATERAID.


You aint got to like me


BUT You will respect me as you wish me to do you

(even if you don't feel your acts to be in question personally)


But I;m a grown ass man

I have subs in training that have to watch and hear this drama that too many of you so called sub-missives and Thirsty ass Doms who sneak behind your backs and try to corrupt your inviorment with their personaly morality and mental dysfunctions

And if I am the ONLY one who has to go off about all this bullshit?

Cool

( not bad for a so called wanna bee )

But where is this so called integity to own up to your own dirt too?

Don't let a PIMP remind you of the first blog you made after meeting that said PIMP

"Unity"

Can we all get along?

Fuck no!


I am not your kid

I am not your brother

I am not your bitch

I am a grown ass man in this lifestle respectfully


And I deserve more respect than I have got from many of you and your so called buddies


And I offered nothing but respect


And I got some bullshit for trusting someone to be as trustworthy as they advertise

But we all are human

We all are different


THAT IS WHAT MAKES THIS LIFESTYLE UNIQUE

But to hear many of you old school lifestylers say it?

We should all act like yall?

I think not...

None of yall are saints


At least I can say I am a chest stabber and a Pimpish Nigga that will not tolerate anyone ( Dom or sub ) putting my name in their mouth and dont know shit about me.

To anyone


And if that is integrity?


Then SOMEBODY needs to teach what that word really means

Because the shit started is out here.

And the lifestyle in general suffers


All because of a PIMP named Sir Ez?



Bullshit!



One thing I have learned on these streets..


If a person is fucked up in the head? They will do sneaky fucked up shit behind your back. And they will use every excuse other than the truth.

They have done some fucked up shit because they are a bit sub human than they want to believe.

And no matter how much money and power you claim to have will keep you from being a fucked up person.

And I don't have to proove shit to none of yall dysfunctional people


But the old folks used to say...

"If you aint got nothing good to say about somebody? Don't say shit!"


And some of you OLDER/younger people need to remember that the next time you gossip and spread rumors and bullshit about others you don't know.



Because you just don't represent your loins...you repersent the lifestyle in general as far as POC are concerned



And I can see why many People of less color don't think that many people in this lifestyle that are POC are real about the lifestyle in general.


So is this a black thang?


Maybe



American Blacks and POC are some of the most shallow freaks on this earth


And they think that they shit don't stank


And always gossiping and spreading rumors and grouping up into smaller groups of dysfunctional people who tend to make the lifestyle for POC look kinda fucked up to others who watch this online drama spread from page to page.


And even if I look up to someone in this lifestyle for many other reasons

I will not let them effect my personal being and the lifestyle that I live by too.


So if you want to call me the boogie man Jr?


So what


You want to hate on my use of the word Pimp in my name?

THAT is your own personal issue

Because alot of these hoes, sluts, bitches, and sub-missives deserve more people that can get as dirty as they do...when they aint play'n D/s with a few thirsty negro's


I'm not here to impress anyone

I don;t need to proove anything to anyone

I am down for the people who are down with me

And all the rest are un important to me


Untill they cross the line again and act like they shit don't stank



There are too many people trusting too many people to always be respectable and respect is not in the creed of the D/s and BDSM lifestyle.

Just safe, sane, and consentual


And the way many of these freaks have been acting up online is shamefull

Yeah...these so called sub gangs and little kink cults are not teaching the masses


They are just picking who they want to fuck with and try'n to fuck over the others just because they don't know anything else better to do than to think that they can.


So just in case some of you people in question get a chance to read this long blog...(again)


Ask yourself



If your kids were watching all this onlin drama?

Who would they root for?


The back stabbin, fake respectable folks?

Or a chest stabbing PIMP who aint try'n to compete with none of yall


This lifestyle aint about being public


It's about being respectfull

And you can't ask for a respect you seldom give in return

And your groupies will get your ass in some drama


Won't they?


*wicked grin*









respect