Showing posts with label grandfather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandfather. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

A Sufi study Sunday...

A Sufi study Sunday... magnify

In my studies I found a few words that I found helpful today


There are those who are like a lighted candle: they can light other
candles, but the other candles must be of wax - if they are of steel,
they cannot be lighted.

Bowl of Saki, by Hazrat Inayat Khan

Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:

The voice of God is speaking all the time, but no one listens;
therefore God has manifested as man, that He might speak with a yet
louder voice. But even then man does not listen. In the time of
Christ the inspiration was there, the voice was there and the divine
power; but how few were those who listened and understood! ...
Whenever the spirit of God has come forth in its true form, the world
has been against it. Why has this been so? It is because man has two
sides to his nature, one false and the other real; and before the
true messenger can penetrate to the reality of a man's being, he
first touches the false or unreal part, and that revolts. And in the
case of a man who does not revolt, even though the light reaches him
his heart is covered, and it only touches the cover. Such a man is
attracted, yet he doubts.

There are egos who are not willing and ready to accept all that
attracts them. The more something attracts them, the more they rebel
against it, suspecting it of being a temptation. Even if they see the
reality of something that attracts them they consider the tendency of
being attracted to be a weakness. There are egos who refuse to accept
what their friend has accepted, and refuse to admire fully what that
friend has admired. And even if they really wish to accept something
that their friend has accepted, they will refuse to do so. For the
tendency of that ego is to swim against the tide ... building a
fortified wall between the messenger and the souls who long for
guidance. There are, however, those who are like lighted candles:
they can light other candles and they can inspire others. But the
other candles must be of wax; if they are of steel they cannot be
lighted. The heart must be like wax; it must melt; if it is like
steel, it cannot be illumined. ...

A person who, alone, has seen something beautiful, who has heard
something harmonious, who has tasted something delicious, who has
smelt something fragrant, may have enjoyed it, but not completely.
The complete joy is in sharing one's joy with others. For the selfish
one who enjoys himself and does not care for others, whether he
enjoys things of the earth or things of heaven, his enjoyment is not
complete. So it is only in this third stage that the following of the
message is fulfilled, when a soul has heard and has pondered upon it,
and has passed the same blessing on to others.

This was a busy weekend in my mind

The net acting up
The energy all over the place
The phone acting up

And just general life

The funny thing about dealing with others who have other lives

It's not about you

*grin*

So when they effect your life?

You have to regroup and reflect
And recharge

This is my day to do so

Have a great week

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

Atisha


Without self-knowledge, we cannot go beyond the mind.
—J. Krishnamurti

I like my friends like good tissue. Soft to the touch, but strong enough to deal with some real crap

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheKinkYHoTBoX/




respect

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Respecting whatever a Alpha is or not...

Respecting whatever a Alpha is or not... magnify

From the first second I created this profile name and page
Never did I have to question
What it would be

I keeps it a bit too real
Even for my damn self

*sadistic sicker*

But if you look around
You seldom will find someone who claims to be
a Alpha Dominant

Let alone the rest of it
lol

But I thought I would leave this info for the people in the cheap seats

"
Any one can say there and Alpha Male but a true Alpha is known when he comes into the room with out saying a word"

Well lets see what they say about that

The Male Psyche and the Female Variable

By wassup471, published Nov 06, 2007
Published Content: 53 Total Views: 6,616 Favorited By: 5 CPs



It's a well-known and obvious fact that there are many differences between a man and woman in both mind and body. These gaps throw a psychological kink into the biological template for both sexes, setting up roadblocks in the emotional battleground overrun by hormones that each person must overcome. The fight is fierce and seemingly never ending, which can lead to some odd solutions brought about by desperation or too much of a defensive mindset, as shown in Susan Faludi's "The Naked Citadel." However, as Lila Abu-Lughod shows in "Honor and Shame" and as portrayed in Osama, sometimes a person's situation is dictated by the surrounding environment, and breaking out of a centuries-old mold is at all easy.

High school is the first step to manhood; a male develops his relationship skills and receives a crash course in the world of women. But it can be filled with heartbreak and disappointment as well. Being a guy who knew what he was looking for in a girl, I was discretionary and caught a lot of flak from guy friends for never going out with anyone. My situation was tilted against me; I didn't know interested females that fulfilled what I was looking for, but my friends were forcing me to adopt a defensive mindset in relation to my social life. Just because I didn't have a "target" or someone to "chase after" like a dog, I was often the butt of jokes and teased. Even though I knew it was light-hearted and (usually) in good taste, it still stung having my lack of "accomplishment" thrown back in my face. This kind of mentality makes it so much harder to view women in the same way as men-they become de-humanized and made into a prize through such impersonal words, simply because the male culture has made them out as such.

Susan Faludi's experiences while touring The Citadel show how this can be taken to the extreme. She writes about the fourth-class system at the all-male college in which new recruits are made into one entity with little thought towards personal identity; through "male bonding experiences" such as community showers and hazing, everybody must rely on their fellow males for support and even survival. This womanization of freshman by the upperclassmen shows the underlying theme of some males: they consider being a woman second-class. It's a fact supported by Osama, where women cannot have jobs, show their faces in public, and are ordered around as servants by men. At one point, a female doctor is addressed by a male who's father is a patient to "Hurry up" and "Attend my father"; these are spoken as commands, not requests. In "Honor and Shame," girls in the Bedouin culture have their lives dictated by males many times, as Kamla writes to her sister when she decides to attend college against her uncles' wishes.

This making of women into a lower class is very much influenced by the surrounding environment of a given person. At The Citadel, the environment focuses on the aspects in life where men are better suited and thus more dominant: physical discipline. The military is also still geared much more toward males than females; only guys have to register for the draft, and they are the only ones who are sent on the front lines of battle. These reasons implant a seed into a recruit's mind that the male is the workhorse, and thus is one looked up to. In a militaristic society such as the one evident at the Citadel, this view is taken to the extreme; the male is made out to be dominant in all things. For some recruits, this goes against everything they learned in high school, where women are usually treated equal to men and the male sometimes has to beg for a date. I know if in that situation, given my experiences, I would be an outcast, hazed until I changed my ways or gave up. I have never viewed women as trophies or somebody that makes a good story, but that is the mentality that Susan Faludi quickly was told about, almost as if the men were proud of the collective monster they have become.

When Shannon Faulkner, a female, applied and was accepted (by way of leaving her gender blank), an uproar so great was caused that death threats surrounded the Faulkner residence for quite some time. What causes such a gap in reaction, a transition from an offensive to defensive position against women? The answer is not so simple- when asked why a woman should not be brought onto campus, no man could muster a convincing answer. (Faludi 134) Perhaps it is the reworked thought processes of the recruits; after all, "According to the Citadel creed...women are objects...they're things that you can do whatever you want with it." In an all-male society, there are no boundaries; no need to impress a woman, or act like a gentlemen for the ladies- it's all about becoming the alpha male, and in the class system, the class becomes the alpha instead of one male. Putting cadets through "...almost a POW camp..." (Faludi 135) experience twists the mind so they believe they enjoy it, because if they don't then their life isn't what the recruit wants it to be- who wants to think that about themselves? Nobody wants to look at their life and hate it; instead, it's as if these recruits are taking the template for social equality and instead using the pieces to build a wall to keep their lives the way the want it by keeping women out. To them, the only wrench in their plans could be a woman intervening, which as written earlier has led to countless atrocities. I cannot begin to comprehend the experiences going on with these men; though I'm very much a male, I have never found the need to be absolutely dominant in every facet of my life, and women are equals and in many cases superior to myself. I choose to accept women as people; thus, they are not hostile to my intent (which is getting an education) and I do not feel the need to lash out against them. Considering many graduates of The Citadel are married, I figure even with my lack of success so far, I should do well eventually, right?

When it all boils down to it, the Citadel thrives on remaking males into one mold, possibly the ideal soldier who can be cold-hearted when needed and business-like, or perhaps it is simply men being foolish and ignorant of the world around them, instead choosing to reside in a closed society where testosterone dictates the next course of action and thus the next thought process. Either way, all that seems to be bred in this hostile context is pain and suffering, no matter how it is disguised.

In "Honor and Shame" and Osama, the male notion of dominance is brought about through religion and tradition. The Islamic faith requires women to hide their faces and cover their feet at all times in public, and forbids them from working. The culture in the Middle East revolves around the women serving the men, and it has been that way for hundreds of years. Such a past history is hard to break; it took colonies over two hundred years to gain independence from Britain's world empire, and women did not gain the right to vote in the western world until the early 1900s. Osama brings the inability to work as woman close to home when Osama receives a haircut and gets a job pretending to be a boy. The struggles associated with such a transition, such as daily prayers and going to a Taliban training camp, show just how wide the gap is between the lives of men and women in the culture. The template in this situation has been set and lived by for centuries: the women serve the men and the male's will. Osama is the rebellion; she goes against what has been established as law and life by crossing the line between male and female. In other words, if she can do it, what will prevent others from doing the same? Such an event would disrupt the whole basis of the Middle Eastern culture and put men on the defensive; seeing the effects this caused in other male-dominated environments such as the Citadel, the results would probably turn violent.
"Honor and Shame" portrays the Bedouin culture and how it both runs on women and displaces them; the men cannot go on with life unless the women are their keeping everything running smoothly, a fact pointed out by Kamla when she states
"Bedouins think that as long as they have a house and can eat, drink, and be clothed, that's enough...they marry and have kids and marry again. But a man should live...a more relaxed life. Should a man come home at the end of his day tired from working and find it filthy and the kids and the women fighting? He comes wanting to relax..." (Abu-Lughod 50).

However, as Sehmina Chopra writes in her article "Liberation by the Veil", many traditions are kept not to persecute women, but to uphold the basic tenants of the Islamic faith. She writes the "covering [of the face] brings an aura of respect" and that it is "a liberation from the shackles of male scrutiny and the standards of attractiveness" (Chopra). As the men choose their wives, this can have an effect that backfires; if a man is looking at two potential mates, and they give similar responses to his questions, he will most likely choose based on their family and the amount of wealth available to gain. Even if the women are extremely close in most things, it will be the other characteristics that define them.

One phrase that stands out to me is "single mom" in relation to the topic of the sexes. What words spring into your mind when those words hit your ears? I sense helplessness, determination, sorrow, and a bit of grittiness. This begs the question: Why do we always hear about the single mom trying to support her family, but not the single dad? Is it because as a female, we view the mother as less capable of raising her children than the father? Or that the male can withstand the pressure to provide, and keep fighting, while the female will just give up and cry? I believe it may be a combination of those factors-stereotypes too often influence our thought processes in reference to others. Women have historically been a behind-the-scenes contributor to families and many times in the workforce (how many times do you concentrate on the secretary when you go to the doctor? But who does all that paperwork?); it is so easy to overlook their achievements. Instead, we rationalize the woman being helpless and afraid, like an 1960s damsel-in-distress. People never give enough credit, and that is why we fail to immediately see a single mother being victorious in her life, blazing a new career path that provides enough for her children to stay of the streets and receive an education, so they may support themselves and their mother later in life. Or why when they see the father, they instantly assume he has a decent-paying job with benefits, allowing his dependents to get on with life. Instant bias comes into play- the woman, viewed psychologically as the needier of the two sexes, is made out to be the one is a more desperate situation.

No matter what the situation happens to be, a woman in many circumstances will be viewed as inferior in some way, shape, or form. It's the inbred psychological effect; ever since the time of the caveman, the men have been the dominant gender, and the same basic idea applies today. Take a look at the workplace; the men are most often a family's main provider and the person in power of a company is more than likely male. Though we all have "equal rights," the balance of power is still shifted towards the male gender. Though not as difficult to change as the one in Osama, the environment that is established as normal becomes a massive roadblock in the careers of many women, giving them an uphill battle for what they deserve. Though the psychology (for the male, anyway) in this type of circumstance points towards the male gaining the upper hand so as to remain superior and the provider, the female is forced on the defensive because of the hostile nature of their surroundings.

As this is the established trait, anything that causes a disturbance in our male-dominated society can be viewed as a massive threat, as the student body saw Shannon Faulkner at The Citadel or the women protesters were categorized in Osama. The battle between female and male has been waged for centuries, but it is because little has changed that the war continues onward. Recruits will still be brainwashed at The Citadel, at least in the apparent future, and there is nothing to suggest an official religion change anywhere in the Middle East. Can females break the "tradition" of male supremacy? Yes, especially with the courage showed by people such as Shannon Faulkner and Osama. But the masses will have to stick together and stand firm, in peace or in battle; even then, though, change may not take place without something near divine intervention. However, to quote an old cliché, it only takes a pebble to start an avalanche. But if nobody is listening, then did the avalanche ever occur?

Works Cited

Abu-Lughod, Lila. "Honor and Shame." The New Humanities Reader. Ed. Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. 2nd Ed. Boston: Houghlin. 26-52.

Chopra, Sehmina. "Liberation by the Veil." Islam101. 22 Sept. 2007. www.islam101.com/women/hijbene.html.

Faludi, Susan. "The Naked Citadel." The New Humanities Reader. Ed. Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. 2nd Ed. Boston: Houghlin. 131-164.

Osama. Dir. Siddiq Barmak. Perf. Marina Golbahari, Arif, Herati, Zubaida Sahar. 2003. DVD. MGM Home Entertainment, 2004.

Why Alpha Females Should Choose Alpha Males

By Cynthia Smith, published May 21, 2007
Published Content: 7 Total Views: 3,330 Favorited By: 0 CPs

Becoming the ultimate Alpha male is one of the hottest topics there is. Countless e-books exist which purport to teach a submissive Beta male how to develop Alpha traits. However, there aren't enough books that teach an Alpha female how to work with her Alpha male? How do you mesh the personalities of two people who are both dominant and bossy and who like to get their way?

Why would an Alpha male want an Alpha female when he wants to be in charge? Why would an Alpha female want an Alpha male when she needs to be in control?

In order to understand why this apparent oxymoron exists, one has to understand biology; in fact, one needs to understand wolf biology because the whole tagging of people as Alphas and Betas is based on observance of wolf pack behavior.

In the jungle, wolves live in packs. The pack is usually led by a dominant male, which animal sociologists call the Alpha male. The Alpha male mates with one female. She is the dominant female of the pack and she is called the Alpha female. She is dominant over the rest of the pack, males and females alike. She is submissive to only one wolf and that is the Alpha wolf. The male values her because she has the strength and intelligence to produce strong offspring

I'm discussing wolf behavior simply to point out an obvious fact. The Alpha female is dominant over all except her Alpha male. Alpha women do not need to feel ashamed that we want men to lead after all. We are still leaders on our jobs and in our places of worship.

No matter how much we, as women evolve, there are still parts of our female psyches that seek the protector. We still seek that man who can enter a room, assess the situation and take charge. When we meet men who don't have those strong leadership skills, we become frustrated and dominate them. If they are not worthy of leading us, then they should cower at our feet. No?

Why should I, as an Alpha female, choose a male that can dominate me? The Alpha in me responds to the Alpha in him. When I see him, I melt. When he speaks to me in his commanding voice, all my usual arrogance goes out the window. He understands who I am. I understand who he is. He understands my strength, but subtly lets me know that he is in charge now and that I no longer need to be in charge.

We are not wolves. Yet no matter how much we shave our hairy bodies, deodorize our odors, build tall buildings that speak of our prowess and drive around in fancy speed devils, we are still humans. We are still part of the animal kingdom. No matter how deep we bury our instincts, they are still there.

I am an Alpha female and I desire an Alpha male.

Definitions of Alpha Male

posted Saturday, 8 October 2005

Definitions of Alpha Male on the Web:

a term used to describe a macho male character within a romance.
www.fictionforum.net/writers/articles/art01-02.html
An alpha male or alpha female is the individual in the community to whom the others follow and defer. Humans and their nearest species-relatives, the chimpanzees, show deference to the alpha of the community by ritualized gestures such as bowing, allowing the alpha to walk first in a procession, or standing aside when the alpha challenges. Canines also show deference to the alpha male in their pack, by allowing him to be the first to eat and the first to mate. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_male

Human alpha, beta, and omega males: the reality

posted Saturday, 15 October 2005

The subject of social dynamics, male/female relations, and the alpha/beta/omega dynamic is something I have been studying actively for months, both in reading and in life experience. I decided to take this study up after having had many girlfriends but having recently noticed that I was being broken up with first quite a lot. I suppose I had lost my magic after having graduated college and gotten focused on my career. My interest in this subject has nothing to do with me wanting to hurt or manipulate women.

I can surely attest that there are in fact alpha and beta males in the human portion of kingdom animalia. I would say that any woman who denies this probably denies a good portion of her own emotions and sensuality as well.

The alpha male...The funny, often charming guy who can be at a party and hardly say a word, but his body language says everything. The guy who could most likely have sex with a good portion of the women, single or hitched, in attendance that very night (and of course no one would be the wiser).

On the other side, the beta male. He very well might be good looking, funny, etc., but after ten minutes or so in the presence of the alpha male he will try to break the alpha male's frame of mind. He does this by subtle jokes that seem innocent but are intended to degrade the alpha male's status in the eyes of others. If he is successful in making the alpha male lose his cool and take the ‘low road’, he himself might very well be take the alpha position, for the night at least. I have seen it and been on both sides of it too many times to deny its reality. After all, it is the alpha male's world and most of the people there are just players within it.

The beta male might also readily submit to the alpha male in a genuine fashion, however. The beta male will also willingly argue with other beta males in an attempt to make others think he is the alpha male. Little does he know that the alpha male is just grinning to himself on the inside at the whole spectacle much of the time, and the women the beta male wants are more embarrassed than impressed by the beta male's behavior. Beta males often also act nice in order to curry favor with women and the alpha males.

Then there are the omega males – generally the true nice guys... but also what we call ‘losers’ Generally avoided, and the next day hardly anyone remembers they were even there. The guy who is almost guaranteed not to have sex that night, even if a women by luck takes a fancy to him, because his model of the world isn't such that he can take a girl home and just have sex with her if he so chooses.

This model I have just outlined is rigid and many of you will no doubt disagree with it. But there is a pecking order in life. The good news, at least, is that it isn't set in stone at birth: someone who is an alpha quarterback in high school can become a beta construction worker; and a beta or omega nerd in high school can become an alpha CEO later in his life.

And in the context of Taken In Hand – some natural alpha males who have hitherto let society fool them into thinking that Hollywood romantic beta behavior was what the world wanted of him, finally come around, as we have seen on this thread. There are many other permutations.

How has this insight changed things for me? Frankly, I no longer put women on a pedestal. I am still a gentleman. I open doors for women – hell, I open doors for men too, so it isn't a trick to curry favor. I now understand that women get attracted and have desire just as strong as that of a man.

My view is more realistic now... No scorn, no anger that my dream as a child of having a Hollywood romance may not happen – just realism. I am not the type of guy who wants to have sexual relations with every woman, but I have done experiments in pushing the envelope over the past 6 or 7 months. It has opened my eyes to the fact that the majority of women will do anything for what they perceive as the dominant male.

I have also started to understand social dynamics a bit better: I can see when people are trying to force me into a beta position. In the past I might not have caught it. I am cool and laidback and I wasn't really quick on the uptake, so to speak.

And this has been my realization: Men these days really aren't totally pussies at heart like they seem. They have merely been brainwashed into thinking this is the way to be.



What are Alpha, Beta, Gammas and Omega males?

posted Saturday, 15 October 2005

Originally, the terms Alpha, Beta, and even Gammas and Omega male applied to animals who live in packs, such as wolves and apes.

The Alpha is the dominant one...The strongest, meanest and the one who gets to have sex with all the females...

The Betas are also strong, and occasionally get to sneak some sex, but if caught by the Alpha, may face serious reprocussions.

The Gammas and Omegas are the lowest of the low...The weak males..perhaps deformed, old, or horribly injured in a fight...The ones who have zero chance of getting any sex, and sadly won't be able to pass on their genes.

This structure doesn't apply to humans strictly, but it most DEFINITELY does apply. When you start to watch people, at bars, parties, any gathering of people, there will generally be one guy who, either from the start, or over time brings everyone else into HIS reality. Everyone laughs at his jokes, the women giggle and claw for his attention.

The Beta Human Male is the guy who is jealous, but still kisses the Alphas ass, and often will have silly arguments with other Betas all the while being ignored by the women..The whole time the alpha grins to himself on the inside at the whole specatle, knowing full well he can take at least a few of these women into the bathroom and have sex right then and there.

The Gamma and Omega Male Humans are the "losers"...They try to start a conversations and the whole time the other person is trying their best to excuse themselves, etc...They are not even remembered for being at the gathering in the first place.

"Some 80 percent of the women strive for just 5 percent of the men."




"from the Steel door site"

The only way to be a 'real' submissive is to be real. This means be who you are. Be truthful, especially to yourself. If you are in a position where you do not desire a singular commitment to one Dominant at this time then be truthful about this as well. Subterfuge, deceit and manipulation are actions of a desire to control or fear of loss. Honesty is a harsh path but it is the only path where happiness and joy bear fruit. To deliver the fullness of yourself you have to find out who you are, and you have to find out that honesty and you are enough, just exactly as you are.

My Daddy told me
"If you have to prove yourself to anyone, then you don't need them..."

And I respect him

I have been around in several different forms, images, and profiles online
I blog
I write
I inform
I entertain

I keeps it real

And I am not here to compete with anyone

But I do post info to many who wish to lurk
So that maybe they may leave with a bit more than they snuck up on my page with
*blank stare*

But some of yall need to learn how to learn how to learn
lol

Because whatever you call yourself
online
And in your own mind

Don't mean that you know jack about if you are
Unless you are what you are
Already

Now I don't care if you get up in your feelings about my words

I'm not your role model

And you aint important to my cause

So try to learn more than you know

Like something new

Or someone new


Because I have nothing to prove

Do you?


respect

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Respecting D/s 24/7


It's always a bit more helpful to have more support
And when you find others who respect you
And each other
You can build a better foundation
Together


Everybody wants to do many of the things some of us do on a 24/7 basis

Some want to have productive relationships
Some want to be poly

But many find it to be more of a dream than a possibility

But it is work

And the pay off for being productive is worth the effort

Because it's all about what works well for you
But many find it harder to try than to do
And even harder to keep doing it
And doing it better in time

Every relationship is unique

Each person has needs and desires to support what they respect

And for me and mines?

We respect the ability to provide each other with positive support through the D/s lifestyle

And it has been helpful to all of us in one way or the other
We support each other mentally, physically and spiritually

And that is a rare combination to find and work with

So I guess it is what you make it
Every day you work at being more to each other
And it is a day to day struggle to stay respectful of each other's devotion to the whole
(here's a interesting post)

http://www.polygrrl.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Jealousy, Envy, Compersion, A Mish Mash of Thought.

Jealousy, envy and compersion…

It is generally agreed that jealousy happens, much like shit hitting the fan. There are times you can see it coming and maybe you can get out of the way. Sometimes, sometimes is flys out of no where.
I think a long time ago I felt a lot of what I thought of as jealousy. I see now that it was envy that I was feeling most of the time. I’m no saint, I’ve been jealous before.

But I learned though that there is a huge difference between jealousy and envy.

Jealousy is something that has the potential to destroy. It’s when someone wants what someone else has. They covet that possession to a degree that emotionally sets it apart from envy. Perhaps they will stop at nothing to have it or they will create problems for the one in possession.
Envy is a little different. It’s wanting what someone else has, but not feeling it to the degree that they’d act upon it. They want something like it, but not the exact thing that another person has. It can burn just like jealousy, but it doesn’t eat away at the person. It just sits and eventually cools.

Well, such things are easy to understand when say, you like your friends girlfriend. You can see the obvious boundary. He doesn’t share. She’s not yours, etc.

In poly though, um, you are sharing. You have access to your friend’s girlfriend. That girlfriend is your girlfriend, too.

In the latter case, jealousy and envy can seem closely knitted together. I would say though that the gut of both still hasn’t changed. Jealousy can move one to destroy a relationship. Envy is just wanting what someone else has without the emotional pressure to do something about it other than to look for your own piece of that universal joy.

But you know how does that work when two people have the same piece of pie? Can you have the same relationship with someone that someone else has with that same someone? Hmmm, that’s a little confusing. ( At least to me and I’m writing this shit.) So let me create some peoples.

Blam!!!!!!

Albert, Becky and Carl are a threesome. Albert and Becky met first; they are married. Carl comes along and joins the family. ( For reals, not that fake “sure you’re apart of the family” that some people dole out.) They all live together.

Carl loves Becky a great deal. Sometimes he wishes he were the one married to her. He thinks it might be nice to have that with her, but he won’t push it because he walked into the relationship fully understanding that Becky leaving Albert was the ultimate limit to what the three could have. Yet, Carl still dreams of it...

I’d call that envy.

Now for jealousy. ( This should be fun!!!)

Albert likes Carl. Carl’s a bit younger, maybe a little more fit. Big Al’s not packing the muscle like Carl is. Maybe Albert thinks Carl is funnier, smarter, maybe Carl makes more money than Albert. Who knows? Jealousy is weird. It picks anything to freak over and sometimes it freaks over the silliest of things. Maybe Albert is intimated because Carl is blonde…
Anyway, Albert hates to leave Carl alone with Becky. He promises them time, but he always comes home early or has to break the date. He’s constantly manipulating the situation and using his power to get what he wants.
Becky is upset but she doesn’t know what to do. She just wants to have some quality time with Carl, that’s all. She loves Albert and she would never leave him. She’d like to love Carl the same way, but Albert won’t seem to let it.
Carl is at a loss. He cares for both Albert and Becky. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their marriage, but then he wants to have some time with Becky. Albert is married to Becky, she sleeps in his bed every night, they have had 10 years together, what more does he want?

Albert has let his insecurities take over and he’s not playing nice. He’s tossing his weight around and holding Becky and Carl emotionally hostage. Neither Becky nor Carl want to upset Albert to the point he wants to back out on this, but they want to be happy, too.

Okay so this isn’t Danielle Steel material, but you know a lot of poly jealousy is like this. It’s very covert at times. In this scenario Albert is creating animosity and manipulating the situation. He is constantly forcing Becky to choose him over Carl. He is making both of them feel his “primary power”. In the end, this is going to build resentment. It’s going to harm the relationships, all of them, A to B, B to C, A to C.

And it’s going to prevent compersion.

Ah, compersion. That’s such a soft fluffy word.

If Albert and Carl hit it off, if the two of them give each other respect and space and the most precious of all things, time with their lovers they will build compersion. They will be happy to see the other happy with Becky. They won’t feel cheated of anything so they won’t mind seeing the other one cuddled up on the couch watching TV.

I mean, in the icky situation do you see Carl smiling happily while Albert cuddles up to Becky? He didn’t get his night with her. He hasn’t had any quality time. I doubt he will smile a wit that isn’t filled with “Albert you suck.”

Yeah, I made Albert the bad guy. This blog is for secondaries after all.. We can all go find a page written form the primary view that is full of fears of what Carl may do. I say fuck Albert he’s an ass. J

But you get what I’m touching on right?

Maybe not because I haven’t really made a point yet. Let’s see if I can sum it up.

Jealousy and envy are different.
Jealousy bad.
Envy good. ( Well, okay.)
If you allow jealousy to run you, you can destroy your relationships.
Actively acting on jealousy hampers compersion.
Compersion is the goal for happy poly.

If you don’t confront jealousy it will make things hard. Face it, communicate it, deal with it, move on.

Oh, if it were only that easy.


Oh shit!!! I forgot, Can you have the same relationship??? Can Albert have the same thing with Becky that Carl has and vice versa?

Hell no. Each combination has its own dynamic and personality. Each person brings their own experience, creativity, joy, and baggage to their relationships. I’ve got leopard print luggage. You have a mish mash of JC Penny discards. We carry our sets on the flight and we have our own unique parade of wheeled luggage. Albert has moss green luggage that looks like birds shit on it. Not the same, totally not the same.

And you should be proud of it, proud of what you can offer not upset about what you can’t.

Gosh, maybe I should think about outlines.

...

http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/Entering-poly-relationship.htm

Topic: BDSM



Expert: awhitecloud
Date: 10/3/2007
Subject: Entering a poly relationship

Question
What can i expect from a poly D/s relationship if i am the third? i am new to the lifestyle and have been reaserching about it, but i can't find any websites that caters to Poly D/s relationships. Could you please help me?

0){w('Get the answer below
');zSB(1,3);w('
')}Answer
here are some links that might help!

http://community.livejournal.com/polybdsm

http://www.polygrrl.blogspot.com/ this site is all about Poly and being a secondary

http://www.polyamoryonline.org/interviews/poly_interview_101805.html

http://www.wintersinn.com/thoughts.htm

http://www.dmoz.org/Society/Relationships/Alternative_Lifestyles/Polyamory/Perso...

http://boston.polyamory.org/polycol/polycol-10.html

http://www.steel-door.com/polygamy.htm This is a nice overview

I do not think that being third can be that much different then being the second or the fourth or so one. The only major differences I have found is at the top and the alpha and everyone needing to work together.

I have been in a few poly relationships it is a lot of work for all concerned, you most be able to give and take. Have you seen the show Big Love on HBO? Well it has some good concepts on poly I do not think it fits over all into what things really are like but it does touch on some good things. You can learn more about the show on www.hbo.com and go to big love.

The biggest thing I have found is that you need to have communication and not to hold things inside of you that you may be feeling. You need to be able to deal with the feelings and to talk about them openly and to work through them.

I hope that this has helped you some and if you have more questions please contact me I will do my best to help you.

Thank you

awhitecloud

...


Family

A basic foundation of support for each other as a family
Lifestyle Friends

Imperfect human beings who found some comfort in the living together in some manner together in the D/s lifestyle 24/7




That's what we do

And as the top of the food chain in this D/s relationship
I am proud to say that we have been more blessed together
As we live and learn each other more
We grow

And that is what many of you fail to find
Because you seek a unfair reality as to what this lifestyle is about in general

D/s in some ways is like adult parenthood
Some ways it's like a group or gang
Family in kink
A crew

And I can honestly say that the road has not been easy
But it has it's rewards
Because the other moments we spend away from the Dungeons
The moments we live vanilla lives apart in some manner
We still support each other as grown adults of like minds

And many come and go in our lives and lifestyles
But our foundation is built on a lifetime commitment to respect each other as individuals
And then as friends
And then as family in a Poly D/s lifestyle

And there is room for growth
Together
And we all support anyone who respects what we do together

In our own style
In our own lives

Together

And even though I am the top of the food chain in this relationship
I am only as good as we all are to each other

And as long as we can support each other
As long as we provide positive energy to each of us as a family

Nothing is impossible together

And it takes more time than a few meet and greets
It takes more time than a few sessions
It takes more time than a few ups and downs
It takes time to learn each other more



It is what it is for us


Poly D/s
Pimpstyle
*wicked grin*


Not that any of you need to understand what we do or not
But we know that the most important objective
Is to be productively supportive to each other as a D/s Poly Family

All we ask is that you understand that we respect this lifestyle
That we do

And if you are about being more in these lifestyles than without them?

Then maybe we are at least on the same page


Maybe we can learn from each other as a BDSM lifestyle community

And maybe not

But for us


D/s
S&M
Open Sexual expression
SSC

Is what we respect
Together


And for that we have been blessed
To have these lifestyles as a basic format
As to how to add more style to our lives
And respect each other
And the Pimpstyle House as a whole

And today I just want to thank everyone who has been productive
To us
To our way of life
To our lifestyle as adult POCs in a SSC manner

So for me
AMP Sir Ez
Loki

Mlfu
Mlfd
And all that my fall under consideration in the days to come

We wish you all a better chance in finding what works for you
And youres

At least in these sexual lifestyles










respect

Sadist are funny... To some people.

Respecting the Sadistic mindset?
Respecting the Sadistic mindset? magnify
It's funny how different a Sadistic mind thinks

UNLIKE NORMAL THINKING PEOPLE

We all tend to see even humor in a different light

Here is how the convo went...

One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!" Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when its your mom is it?!" HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!

Master Pimp Ez
Priceless!

sunsetlady0708
lol
i say yuck

Master Pimp Ez
lol
I bet grand ma was the bomb
lol

sunsetlady0708
??


Master Pimp Ez
a joke?
Johnny was a sadist


sunsetlady0708
lol


Master Pimp Ez
it didn't have anything to do with the grandma


sunsetlady0708
no he wanted his pops to suffer


Master Pimp Ez
DUH!


sunsetlady0708
he really didnt have an open mind on the matter
he could have talk it out with his poops


Master Pimp Ez
And your point?
What would a Sadist do?
He was talking it out
the same way


sunsetlady0708
well to stop that young child from reaching that point... he should have minded his pops and just ask what they were doing... pops would have told him that , that is what mommy and daddy do
then johnny would not have gone there beccause granny wasnt his
how i get them to sshhhhhs


Master Pimp Ez
No
The grandma that Johnny was fuckin
Was his FATHERS mother
He was his step son


sunsetlady0708
still a mommy and daddy thing


Master Pimp Ez
Can I use this convo for a blog?
With your permission?


sunsetlady0708
lol noooooooooooo
i might sound stupid
most moms ands dads teach kids that that is what they do


Master Pimp Ez
Come on man...we can call it a joke of the week...lol
I'll take your name off of it


sunsetlady0708
so because of that johnny had no reason to do granny if pops explained it to him


Master Pimp Ez
no
because it was a great convo
I think all of this is great!
Ok


sunsetlady0708
are you going to just use the JOKE
and not our conversation


Master Pimp Ez
I am asking for your ok for me to p[ost your name as it is or take it off when I do this post
what say you?
*blank stare*


sunsetlady0708
are you posting the joke
posting the joke is ok
thanks for asking
now i feel bad cause you were so polite about asking
so in the note you may post the whole thing
and you dont have to block my name out




And that is how this joke became funnier


But what is more funny?

The first joke?

Or the way the joke turned out?



(this post was reposted with the consent of said parties)



respect

Your not like others?

Maybe your not deep enough to be this blessed?
Maybe your not deep enough to be this blessed? magnify

As I sit in the kafe on my Burfday
I reflect on
respect

All this time
People been buggin
And all the time

They just been a bit shallow
No offense

But yall just aint deep enough
Yet


The fire of devotion purifies the heart of the devotee and leads to
spiritual freedom.


Bowl of Saki,
by Hazrat Inayat Khan

Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:

Overlooking the faults of others with politeness, tolerance,
forgiveness, and resignation is regarded as a moral virtue in the
East. Man's heart is visualized as the shrine of God, and even a
small injury in thought, word, and deed against it is considered as a
great sin against God, the Indwelling One. Gratitude is shown by the
loyalty of the Orient and by being true to the salt; the hospitality
of a day is remembered throughout all the years of life, while the
benefactor never forgets humility even in the midst of his good
deeds. There is an Eastern saying, 'Forget thy virtues and remember
thy sins.'

'Chained with gold chains about the feet of God.' - Tennyson

Thus the heart, developed by religion and morality, becomes first
capable of choosing and then of retaining the object of devotion
without wavering for a moment. Yet in the absence of these qualities
it remains incapable of either choice or retention.

There have been innumerable devotees in the East, Bhakta or Ashiq,
whose devotional powers are absolutely indescribable and ineffable.
To the ignorant the story of their lives may appear exaggerated, but
the joy of self-negation is greater than that of either spiritual or
material joy.

Devotion sweetens the personality, and is the light on the path of
the disciple. Those who study mysticism and philosophy while omitting
self-sacrifice and resignation grow egoistic and self-centered. Such
persons are apt to call themselves either God or a part of God, and
thus make an excuse for committing any sins they like. Regardless of
sin or virtue they misuse and malign others, being utterly fearless
of the hereafter. Yet they forget that 'strait is the gate, and
narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life', as the Bible says.

The fire of devotion purifies the heart of the devotee and leads to
spiritual freedom. Mysticism without devotion is like uncooked food
and can never be assimilated. 'I am the heart of my devotees,' says
Krishna in the Bhagavad-Gita. And Hafiz says, 'O joyous day when I
depart from this abode of desolation, seeking the repose of my soul
and setting out in search of my Beloved.'


As I sit in the Kafe while the rain falls softly
I enjoy my coffee
And I reflect

About the reality of respect

And I respect reality over truth
Any day
As I watch so many of you try to find a better way
As many of you pass my way
As some try to say

How dare I speak often of that word
Yeah
I have heard the whispers of ignorance
From some who had a chance
To advance
In my reality

But they still don't know me
No more than they owe me

And I do not fault thee
But you just aint deep enough to be around me
Not in the city we call Hell
And many of you know it as DC

You aint me

And I have to respect the simpleness you see
Because my life is a fantasy
To the others who try to be a part of me
And all the while they claim that my style
Is too wild for that child
Yeah

I agree

They aint ready to stay steady on the course
Of respecting a spiritual force
With no remorse

Because there is nothing wrong with none of you
Your just not as deep as you seek too
To deep to be true


Because you at best
Will be like the rest
Of the mess that revolves around you

And the few who say they know me
Still do not know how deep my name is in reality

As the Universe smiles on me

And all that flows
And grows
Deeper

Every day

The Pimpstyle way

And what I have learned to respect today
On my Earthday
Is how to say

I guess I have not been stressed
For being more blessed
To not lead my life with the weak
Because I do not seek
Because my life is too damn deep

There is no game for you to peep

I don't have to creep

Because I can't sneak up on shit that is too deep

But people do

So I just want to thank GOD that I am too deep
For you
2


I am Loki

*wicked grin*





Without self-knowledge, we cannot go beyond the mind.
—J. Krishnamurti




I like my friends like good tissue. Soft to the touch, but strong enough to deal with some real shit

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheKinkYHoTBoX/



respect