Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Maybe you need to find a different D/s...lol


"Some of these subs are looking for the wrong 'D', so busy
looking for a Dom when what they need is a doctor"
"...and some of the Doms should be
looking for a pSychiatrist instead of a sub."





I think that statement was the most profound I have seen from many of these drama queens and kings of comedy
And kink
*snicker*

I know a great deal about mental health
And I have studied a great deal about mental dysfunctions

And I have seen more than my fair share of it this so called lifestyle community and it's people in it

Maybe it's because while I am seen as many things by many of them type people
I also see many traits of mental disorders in many of the same people who seem to be more verbal about others as well

And maybe they know a bit about SM D/s and their craft
They don't know much about mental disorders
(it shows)
And how to best or better deal with them
Or themselves

So let's dig a bit deeper into the many things that effect the images of this lifestyle many claim to be a part of

The number 1 threat to this lifestyle and to basic relationship issues with many of you who are seeking mates is:
Co-Dependency



The word co-dependency is typically used to describe people who gravitate toward unhealthy relationships. Co-dependents live their lives through someone else. They feel controlled by others and they also feet the need to control others.

Co-dependence is learned. It includes behaviors, feelings and beliefs which lead to sacrificing values and personal needs in exchange for love and approval of others. Co-dependents take responsibility for others and neglect their own wants and needs. They are caretakers out of the need to be perceived as worthwhile because they are desperate for approval. This differs from caretakers who feel good about themselves and help people out of choice.

Most co-dependents appear to be strong and in control. However, inside they often feel inadequate and scared, and they desperately fear a loss of control. The need to control is usually an attempt to reduce their anxiety.

Most co-dependent people have been raised in dysfunctional families. They were taught that they were not important. They were encouraged to set aside their own needs and wants, and take care of others. In most cases, they acted adult-like as children.

People experience co-dependency in different ways. Typical characteristics include:

An exaggerated sense of responsibility and yet difficulty making decisions.

A preoccupation with others wants and problems, while neglecting themselves. This includes being compassionate and loyal even to those who might be hurtful to them. It also involves a difficulty knowing and expressing their own feelings - and yet having sensitivity toward others feelings. Others' attitudes determine their reaction and other people are responsible for their happiness.

Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. Co-dependents have learned that "love" and pain go together, and therefore they gravitate to needy or abusive people. They fear being rejected and hurt. They may appear nondemanding, but beneath this is a feeling of urgency for love and approval. There is a reluctance to trust others because that involves being vulnerable and/or asking for help. There is also a fear of abandonment, rejection and loneliness, and, therefore, the co-dependent will easily sacrifice their own needs to keep the relationship going.

Perfectionism. Co-dependents set inordinate expectations for themselves, thinking that if they succeed they will gain worth. Because what others do is a reflection of themselves, co-dependents also expect a lot of others.

Guilt, often felt when co-dependents stand up for themselves or are criticized. Co-dependents also experience discomfort when they are praised.

A tendency to use food, exercise, work, sex, excitement, and alcohol or drugs to help deny problems and to numb uncomfortable feelings.

The job of recovering co-dependents is to become "undependent." This involves learning to love, accept, nurture and take care of themselves. It includes realizing that they, alone, are the center of their own lives and that others, although important, cannot exist in the center of their lives. It also entails accepting responsibility for creating their own experiences and feelings; and at the same time not taking responsibility for the experiences and feelings of others. As co-dependents learn to love and trust themselves, they will discover they have plenty of energy to do what they want as well as to love others.

If you would like to read more, the following are books about co-dependency:

Beyond Co-dependency by Beattie

Co-dependent No More by Beattie

The Dance of Anger by Lerner

Healing the Child Within by Whitfield

Healing Together by Kritsberg

Learning to Love Yourself by Wegscheider-Cruse

Little Miss Perfect by LeBoutillier

Lost in the Shuffle by Subby

Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them by Forward

Recovery from Co-dependency by Weiss

Struggle for Intimacy by Woititz

Women Who Love Too Much by Norwood

by Joan Miller, Ph.D. 2520 Windy Hill Rd. Suite 106 Marietta, GA 30067


I learned a bit about many of these disorders while my Mom was Cobb County Mental Health Director

As well as all the time she studied and was trained in identifying these disorders
I studied them too along with her and on my own time as well
As well as audited many college classes
Read many medical journals
Seen first hand many cases issues in real life

I digress

What I have learned first hand in viewing many of these different people around this lifestyle is that this lifestyle is a breeding ground for mentally dysfunctional people

Both Dominant and sub missive alike
(switches too)

Nobody is perfect
But some people are more mentally damaged than they want to admit or even able to allow their egos to allow them to be seen as less than they want to be seen as

So they hide behind these titles and in their dysfunctional social circles of like minded people

And there is no pride in like minded crazy people who seek others to gossip about
When they themselves all suffer from a few major mental dysfunctions themselves

Co-dependency is one of the main dysfunctions of modern day relationships

Along with Bi Polarism
(over 78% of all Americans suffer from some sort of bi polarism)

So how do you identify them?
What do you do when you find that someone has a mental disorder?
How do you treat them as a provider?
How do you deal with the side effects of medications given or not taken by them?
Are their any holistic treatments you can offer?
Are you trained and able to try to offer assistance?
What?

From what I have studied so far in this lifestyle and how it connects to the ability to offer assistance to mentally dysfunctional people who come to you in this lifestyle

You have to deal with it or call it what it is and is not worth trying to deal with


Just because you know a bit about this lifestyle does not give you the ability to deal with mentally disturbed people
Even if they look and feel just fine
They may not be

And it's not that hard to see many who do have special needs

And many people do not know what a special needs submissive is
Let alone what to do with them

Yet
You see so many of these lifestyle types
Jumping to the rescue of others they are not trained to handle

And it causes more drama and abuse
And the lifestyle community plays rumor mill to issues they are not aware of or able to understand

All they know is there is another person who is not doing something right

Most times you see them jumping on some poor Dom who took a poor mentally disturbed sub missive that is in need of more than they are able to offer

So it turns into another case of abuse and neglect
But in theory it's their fault for fucking with whoever comes to you for some sexual servitude
Only to find out they are in need of some mental therapy

And being that the ONE rule that most Dominants never respect
Never seems to be honored
(contacting the past owner or provider for instructions on what they have learned in dealing with them while in their care)

There is no honor between Dominants and Providers
Not even for the ability to provider better care than the last

Pride and ego in this lifestyle is also a threat to this lifestyle

Just because

So maybe many of you NEED to see a doctor
Maybe some of you need to see a therapist

Maybe some of you need to seek professional help
And not sexual assistance

But as long as many of you conduct yourselves as you do now
In this so called lifestyle of POCs

All you do is hurt each other more
And this lifestyle
As it is seen by others who wish more out of it than many of you provide while you gossip and drive a all ready out of control rumor mill

Mental health is a very real subject

More real than just what some of these so called real lifestylers know anything about

And that aint gonna change by changing your name to some Irish title

Even the Irish are just as mentally dysfunctional

*sadistic snicker*


So what are you really defending YOUR lifestyle community for?

Pride?

Where is the pride in allowing so much drama to run amuck
In your own community

And offer nothing more than gossip and back bitting

Maybe that is the best that you can do
Or will do

But is that enough?

Maybe more people should stand up and call out many of these mentally unstable people what they are


Mentally unstable


Then again
Maybe you just know how to strut around acting like your own shit don't stank?

Is that what these people should consider SSC?

Maybe we should look at the mental stability of our own providers and Dominants too

Because I can clearly see a few who need to get a grip of their own ego and start offering more than just bullshit too

And they are family too
But we all have crazy family too
Don't we?

*snicker*

But if you want to use this lifestyle for your own sexual ego?

Then maybe you don't respect the power of sex
And it's mental effect on unstable people

And knowing how better to deal with it or not
Faster!


There are some real mentally disturbed people hiding behind some really mentally dysfunctional people they call friends

And they are in this lifestyle too

Deal with it!







respect

For help with this subject try this site
http://NCSFreedom.org

Total Power to exchange. The Dominant POC style of the lifestyle

Many of us play with these lifestyles in our everyday lives
But life is not always something to play with
When you play with others

And the ONLY way you can play in this lifestyle is with others

Or not!

And the most important act shared in these lifestyles is
TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE

An early use of the term "total power exchange" occurred in the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage on February 3rd, 1995 by Jon Jacobs.[1], who wrote of his "...contention that total power exchange is possible and, apparently, that the play-party paradigm is not real power exchange."

A TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship, sometimes described as an absolute lifestyle d&s relationship ... is a relationship in which no impediment to the exercise of the owner's power is accepted ... Such things as safewords, contracts, negotiated limits, and anything else which recognizes / acknowledges / formalizes limits on the owner's power are inimical to TPE.
Jacobs preferred to use the phrase absolute power exchange (APE), but both terms continued to be problematic for some people, including many who pursue these types of relationship, since the relationship is subject to the physical and the emotional limitations of the participants and therefore cannot genuinely be total or absolute. Partly as a result of these objections, the term internal enslavement (IE) was first used 2000 to better describe the state of mind of these kinds of "consensual slaves"

Maybe this is TOO simple a definition?

Especially for People Of Color
In a American upbringing

I'm speaking of a mass amount of people in this country
Who are able to explore sexual freedoms
For the first time in this countries history

So POCs first need to define their own
Power Of Control
And how to respect it's freedoms
In todays New World
In order for the ages to better respect the need for SSC

And that should apply to Every type of sexual freedom
Today

But I digress

POWER

People of color know a great deal about the way the words makes them feel
But they have seldom felt real power

In BDSM, the term power exchange refers to a relationship or activity in which the submissive partner exchanges his or her authority to make decisions for the dominant partner's agreement to take responsibility for the submissive's happiness and health. This can occur for any duration, according to the agreement of the participants, ranging from a single scene, to a proscribed period of hours, days or weeks, to a 24 hour a day agreement with no termination date.

On a psychological level, much BDSM "play" involves power and dominance, in particular power exchange, with one person willingly handing over personal autonomy. This can range from addressing another person as "master" or "mistress" for a ten-minute scene, to a witnessed, formal collaring with a lifelong agreement which micro-manages the submissive's life.

...
(personal sidebar)





"In 1963 on the March On Washington
My Mother pushed Me through the crowd to hear MLK speek
And he spoke

"1963 is not a end, but a beginning..."

And for the FIRST time in the history of People Of Color
We had hope that freedom was just over that mountain top
And it was
It was 2008

And so many things are so different
Sexually
We are still in shock
Culture Shock
Not personally but generally

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

Even Moses people are more free today than ever in history
We got BET and MTV

But sexually?

We have not been free long enough to be this free with everybody

And that is what it means to be free
Sexually

And there is a lot of
Sex in the City
But in the country and the community
We still don't know how to be free civilly

All of this new open sexuality
Is new for a few of you and Me

And TPE
Is a mystery

As a POC
Looking for respect as they try to protect their own sexuality
In a community in it's infancy

But what about us?

All of us

Not just the kinky and the think they kinky
But the lurkers of the community
The ones who want to be
SSC
As a
POC


And they are not you and me
A bit more open for them to see
How kinky we want to be
And free
To make more than a community
But even you and me

Don't have to prove who we be
Sexually
When they aint got a clue who knew me

Or TPE
Not everybody
But everybody else
Who is less in the know
And first need to grow
Before they can show

How to learn what power you have know

But what about the "D" word?
*wicked grin*

The principles are that BDSM activities should be:

  • safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
  • sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible cast of mind
  • consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved, but note that legal consent may not create a defence to criminal liability for any injuries caused and that, for these purposes, non-physical injuries are included in the definition of grievous bodily harm in English law.

Other people in the BDSM community do not consider SSC to be an accurate term for these relationships/activities. The term Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) is sometimes used as a substitute description.

For those who dissent, issues generally arise from the subjective nature of each term in SSC when using the term as a yardstick to evaluate activities. It can be argued that the terms in RACK are equally subjective. "How safe is safe enough" is a legitimate question, and "how aware is aware enough" is an equally legitimate question.

Most attribute the term to David Stein who coined it in 1984 for GMSMA. More information can be found in the essay titled Safe Sane Consensual: The Evolution of a Shibboleth, in which he states that the term was developed "to distinguish the kind of S/M I wanted to do from the criminally abusive or neurotically self-destructive behavior popularly associated with the term 'sadomasochism'."


The "D" word

Is dick Dominance?
Yes!

Everybody uses one some time or another
And it's not important if it's yours or another's
Or does it?

"It's not about the dick Sir..."
"Yes, Ma'am I love Your dick Ma'am..."
"Take this dick!..."
"Ahhhhh... give me that dick!..."

Is dick the D we confuse?
Or
Are too many people confused ?

Why is Dominance harder for People of Color
To control and command
Culturally
In their personal community
JUST
Because of the dick?

Or because Dominance of said dick is dangerous
Real or fake
You can not wake someone
Or shake someone out or off of some good dick

*snicker*

But the images of the memories of how we have come to be
Who we are going to be in a new history
Is not clear enough to fear for us to find harmony
And I'll be darn if we aint in the promise land
Now how do you do the countryland
And
Stand by your man...
(dick optional)

But Dominance?

People of color are the last ones to admit some real shit
If we wanted freedom
Well this is it
Not all of it
But if you are not a part of it
Then why start some shit
And forget


Ok
Here's some important information about what I mean
When I mention People Of Color

I have a certain respect for Hispanic and Arabic cultures
Nothing personal
But as many times I spoke about something that made some of YOU feel I was blaming you for real
And the real deal is a bit deeper than dick

I am and will always be Me

And there are more like Me that can not speak
There are more like Me that can not write
There are more like Me that can not be understood

When many of you people of color have NEVER been this free
Ever!

Maybe it's not the Obama in me
"...what you say about my Mama?"

Yes we can change!

But it's going to feel a bit strange
You will not be comfortable
You will not have any control
But you can not have half and not be whole

Because FAITH is the POWER

In Total Power Exchange

And as a culture who is NOW living with another culture
NOW living with other cultures NOW

In America
I think we need to first thirst for
The American Me
Yeah, like the movie
*grin*

How do a NOW mixed community of cultures of adults
Vanilla and kinky alike
And not fight for the right
To wake up
Get up
Stand up
And find more faith to guide your TPE

Too Powerful Energy
To exchange for no other reason
Season
Or lifestime
This lifestyle is deeper than a booty call
This is for all the marbles every time we fall
For being more free
Sexually

Not as some community
I mean everybody

But understand
That in this land of the NOW free

We have not come this far
To leave thee

LOL


But 1963 was not a end
But we have passed the time to say

What do you mean?

If MLK was a Poly Dominant with a white sub/slut/slave
He would not be remembered the same way His is today

But today
We all have more freedom to role play
All day

But first we have to admit
That respect for open sexuality
For all the masses
Got they asses playing with some bullshit
All up in it
And it aint been invented

What we do have not been invented yet

Not invented yet

Where we are today has not been lived yet!

And tomorrow is a mystery

But today
These lifestyles are more a part of me
Than I can start to be
Some community

So excuse me please

I Am
Alpha Master Pimp
Sir Ez
The Lord GOD Loki

Po Pimpondatass
Whodathunkit01

Semperfi2000

Dj Hafez

Mr Motherfucker


And your not

In this lifestyle
TPE
For
POC
Is all we got
But
FAITH
Maybe not

But that is the POWER in that ENERGY

We learn to live from what is given
We give to give back
And lack

We learn to let go what is taken
We give to give back
And live


Power is energy
Energy is light
Light is voltage

But it's that Amps that can kill you

If you do not have respect

But we all were made by Amps
Concieved in lust
From a new found freedom

We as a people of color
Have come a long way

But today
Is such a new day
That the only way
For us to learn how live more free together


You can not wish for something you never had
Until you want it that bad
To pray that some day
You could do life the right way

Well today is your lucky day

Tomorrow has not been invented yet
Wanna bet you can get some kinky shit?


Scared money don't make money

Scared faith don't make no change

Fear don't make no respect

What does all of this mean to these lifestyles
And people of color in kink or not?















respect

Hints to live by in a new BDSM relationship

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Thursday, July 3, 2008

Respecting whatever a Alpha is or not...

Respecting whatever a Alpha is or not... magnify

From the first second I created this profile name and page
Never did I have to question
What it would be

I keeps it a bit too real
Even for my damn self

*sadistic sicker*

But if you look around
You seldom will find someone who claims to be
a Alpha Dominant

Let alone the rest of it
lol

But I thought I would leave this info for the people in the cheap seats

"
Any one can say there and Alpha Male but a true Alpha is known when he comes into the room with out saying a word"

Well lets see what they say about that

The Male Psyche and the Female Variable

By wassup471, published Nov 06, 2007
Published Content: 53 Total Views: 6,616 Favorited By: 5 CPs



It's a well-known and obvious fact that there are many differences between a man and woman in both mind and body. These gaps throw a psychological kink into the biological template for both sexes, setting up roadblocks in the emotional battleground overrun by hormones that each person must overcome. The fight is fierce and seemingly never ending, which can lead to some odd solutions brought about by desperation or too much of a defensive mindset, as shown in Susan Faludi's "The Naked Citadel." However, as Lila Abu-Lughod shows in "Honor and Shame" and as portrayed in Osama, sometimes a person's situation is dictated by the surrounding environment, and breaking out of a centuries-old mold is at all easy.

High school is the first step to manhood; a male develops his relationship skills and receives a crash course in the world of women. But it can be filled with heartbreak and disappointment as well. Being a guy who knew what he was looking for in a girl, I was discretionary and caught a lot of flak from guy friends for never going out with anyone. My situation was tilted against me; I didn't know interested females that fulfilled what I was looking for, but my friends were forcing me to adopt a defensive mindset in relation to my social life. Just because I didn't have a "target" or someone to "chase after" like a dog, I was often the butt of jokes and teased. Even though I knew it was light-hearted and (usually) in good taste, it still stung having my lack of "accomplishment" thrown back in my face. This kind of mentality makes it so much harder to view women in the same way as men-they become de-humanized and made into a prize through such impersonal words, simply because the male culture has made them out as such.

Susan Faludi's experiences while touring The Citadel show how this can be taken to the extreme. She writes about the fourth-class system at the all-male college in which new recruits are made into one entity with little thought towards personal identity; through "male bonding experiences" such as community showers and hazing, everybody must rely on their fellow males for support and even survival. This womanization of freshman by the upperclassmen shows the underlying theme of some males: they consider being a woman second-class. It's a fact supported by Osama, where women cannot have jobs, show their faces in public, and are ordered around as servants by men. At one point, a female doctor is addressed by a male who's father is a patient to "Hurry up" and "Attend my father"; these are spoken as commands, not requests. In "Honor and Shame," girls in the Bedouin culture have their lives dictated by males many times, as Kamla writes to her sister when she decides to attend college against her uncles' wishes.

This making of women into a lower class is very much influenced by the surrounding environment of a given person. At The Citadel, the environment focuses on the aspects in life where men are better suited and thus more dominant: physical discipline. The military is also still geared much more toward males than females; only guys have to register for the draft, and they are the only ones who are sent on the front lines of battle. These reasons implant a seed into a recruit's mind that the male is the workhorse, and thus is one looked up to. In a militaristic society such as the one evident at the Citadel, this view is taken to the extreme; the male is made out to be dominant in all things. For some recruits, this goes against everything they learned in high school, where women are usually treated equal to men and the male sometimes has to beg for a date. I know if in that situation, given my experiences, I would be an outcast, hazed until I changed my ways or gave up. I have never viewed women as trophies or somebody that makes a good story, but that is the mentality that Susan Faludi quickly was told about, almost as if the men were proud of the collective monster they have become.

When Shannon Faulkner, a female, applied and was accepted (by way of leaving her gender blank), an uproar so great was caused that death threats surrounded the Faulkner residence for quite some time. What causes such a gap in reaction, a transition from an offensive to defensive position against women? The answer is not so simple- when asked why a woman should not be brought onto campus, no man could muster a convincing answer. (Faludi 134) Perhaps it is the reworked thought processes of the recruits; after all, "According to the Citadel creed...women are objects...they're things that you can do whatever you want with it." In an all-male society, there are no boundaries; no need to impress a woman, or act like a gentlemen for the ladies- it's all about becoming the alpha male, and in the class system, the class becomes the alpha instead of one male. Putting cadets through "...almost a POW camp..." (Faludi 135) experience twists the mind so they believe they enjoy it, because if they don't then their life isn't what the recruit wants it to be- who wants to think that about themselves? Nobody wants to look at their life and hate it; instead, it's as if these recruits are taking the template for social equality and instead using the pieces to build a wall to keep their lives the way the want it by keeping women out. To them, the only wrench in their plans could be a woman intervening, which as written earlier has led to countless atrocities. I cannot begin to comprehend the experiences going on with these men; though I'm very much a male, I have never found the need to be absolutely dominant in every facet of my life, and women are equals and in many cases superior to myself. I choose to accept women as people; thus, they are not hostile to my intent (which is getting an education) and I do not feel the need to lash out against them. Considering many graduates of The Citadel are married, I figure even with my lack of success so far, I should do well eventually, right?

When it all boils down to it, the Citadel thrives on remaking males into one mold, possibly the ideal soldier who can be cold-hearted when needed and business-like, or perhaps it is simply men being foolish and ignorant of the world around them, instead choosing to reside in a closed society where testosterone dictates the next course of action and thus the next thought process. Either way, all that seems to be bred in this hostile context is pain and suffering, no matter how it is disguised.

In "Honor and Shame" and Osama, the male notion of dominance is brought about through religion and tradition. The Islamic faith requires women to hide their faces and cover their feet at all times in public, and forbids them from working. The culture in the Middle East revolves around the women serving the men, and it has been that way for hundreds of years. Such a past history is hard to break; it took colonies over two hundred years to gain independence from Britain's world empire, and women did not gain the right to vote in the western world until the early 1900s. Osama brings the inability to work as woman close to home when Osama receives a haircut and gets a job pretending to be a boy. The struggles associated with such a transition, such as daily prayers and going to a Taliban training camp, show just how wide the gap is between the lives of men and women in the culture. The template in this situation has been set and lived by for centuries: the women serve the men and the male's will. Osama is the rebellion; she goes against what has been established as law and life by crossing the line between male and female. In other words, if she can do it, what will prevent others from doing the same? Such an event would disrupt the whole basis of the Middle Eastern culture and put men on the defensive; seeing the effects this caused in other male-dominated environments such as the Citadel, the results would probably turn violent.
"Honor and Shame" portrays the Bedouin culture and how it both runs on women and displaces them; the men cannot go on with life unless the women are their keeping everything running smoothly, a fact pointed out by Kamla when she states
"Bedouins think that as long as they have a house and can eat, drink, and be clothed, that's enough...they marry and have kids and marry again. But a man should live...a more relaxed life. Should a man come home at the end of his day tired from working and find it filthy and the kids and the women fighting? He comes wanting to relax..." (Abu-Lughod 50).

However, as Sehmina Chopra writes in her article "Liberation by the Veil", many traditions are kept not to persecute women, but to uphold the basic tenants of the Islamic faith. She writes the "covering [of the face] brings an aura of respect" and that it is "a liberation from the shackles of male scrutiny and the standards of attractiveness" (Chopra). As the men choose their wives, this can have an effect that backfires; if a man is looking at two potential mates, and they give similar responses to his questions, he will most likely choose based on their family and the amount of wealth available to gain. Even if the women are extremely close in most things, it will be the other characteristics that define them.

One phrase that stands out to me is "single mom" in relation to the topic of the sexes. What words spring into your mind when those words hit your ears? I sense helplessness, determination, sorrow, and a bit of grittiness. This begs the question: Why do we always hear about the single mom trying to support her family, but not the single dad? Is it because as a female, we view the mother as less capable of raising her children than the father? Or that the male can withstand the pressure to provide, and keep fighting, while the female will just give up and cry? I believe it may be a combination of those factors-stereotypes too often influence our thought processes in reference to others. Women have historically been a behind-the-scenes contributor to families and many times in the workforce (how many times do you concentrate on the secretary when you go to the doctor? But who does all that paperwork?); it is so easy to overlook their achievements. Instead, we rationalize the woman being helpless and afraid, like an 1960s damsel-in-distress. People never give enough credit, and that is why we fail to immediately see a single mother being victorious in her life, blazing a new career path that provides enough for her children to stay of the streets and receive an education, so they may support themselves and their mother later in life. Or why when they see the father, they instantly assume he has a decent-paying job with benefits, allowing his dependents to get on with life. Instant bias comes into play- the woman, viewed psychologically as the needier of the two sexes, is made out to be the one is a more desperate situation.

No matter what the situation happens to be, a woman in many circumstances will be viewed as inferior in some way, shape, or form. It's the inbred psychological effect; ever since the time of the caveman, the men have been the dominant gender, and the same basic idea applies today. Take a look at the workplace; the men are most often a family's main provider and the person in power of a company is more than likely male. Though we all have "equal rights," the balance of power is still shifted towards the male gender. Though not as difficult to change as the one in Osama, the environment that is established as normal becomes a massive roadblock in the careers of many women, giving them an uphill battle for what they deserve. Though the psychology (for the male, anyway) in this type of circumstance points towards the male gaining the upper hand so as to remain superior and the provider, the female is forced on the defensive because of the hostile nature of their surroundings.

As this is the established trait, anything that causes a disturbance in our male-dominated society can be viewed as a massive threat, as the student body saw Shannon Faulkner at The Citadel or the women protesters were categorized in Osama. The battle between female and male has been waged for centuries, but it is because little has changed that the war continues onward. Recruits will still be brainwashed at The Citadel, at least in the apparent future, and there is nothing to suggest an official religion change anywhere in the Middle East. Can females break the "tradition" of male supremacy? Yes, especially with the courage showed by people such as Shannon Faulkner and Osama. But the masses will have to stick together and stand firm, in peace or in battle; even then, though, change may not take place without something near divine intervention. However, to quote an old cliché, it only takes a pebble to start an avalanche. But if nobody is listening, then did the avalanche ever occur?

Works Cited

Abu-Lughod, Lila. "Honor and Shame." The New Humanities Reader. Ed. Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. 2nd Ed. Boston: Houghlin. 26-52.

Chopra, Sehmina. "Liberation by the Veil." Islam101. 22 Sept. 2007. www.islam101.com/women/hijbene.html.

Faludi, Susan. "The Naked Citadel." The New Humanities Reader. Ed. Richard E. Miller and Kurt Spellmeyer. 2nd Ed. Boston: Houghlin. 131-164.

Osama. Dir. Siddiq Barmak. Perf. Marina Golbahari, Arif, Herati, Zubaida Sahar. 2003. DVD. MGM Home Entertainment, 2004.

Why Alpha Females Should Choose Alpha Males

By Cynthia Smith, published May 21, 2007
Published Content: 7 Total Views: 3,330 Favorited By: 0 CPs

Becoming the ultimate Alpha male is one of the hottest topics there is. Countless e-books exist which purport to teach a submissive Beta male how to develop Alpha traits. However, there aren't enough books that teach an Alpha female how to work with her Alpha male? How do you mesh the personalities of two people who are both dominant and bossy and who like to get their way?

Why would an Alpha male want an Alpha female when he wants to be in charge? Why would an Alpha female want an Alpha male when she needs to be in control?

In order to understand why this apparent oxymoron exists, one has to understand biology; in fact, one needs to understand wolf biology because the whole tagging of people as Alphas and Betas is based on observance of wolf pack behavior.

In the jungle, wolves live in packs. The pack is usually led by a dominant male, which animal sociologists call the Alpha male. The Alpha male mates with one female. She is the dominant female of the pack and she is called the Alpha female. She is dominant over the rest of the pack, males and females alike. She is submissive to only one wolf and that is the Alpha wolf. The male values her because she has the strength and intelligence to produce strong offspring

I'm discussing wolf behavior simply to point out an obvious fact. The Alpha female is dominant over all except her Alpha male. Alpha women do not need to feel ashamed that we want men to lead after all. We are still leaders on our jobs and in our places of worship.

No matter how much we, as women evolve, there are still parts of our female psyches that seek the protector. We still seek that man who can enter a room, assess the situation and take charge. When we meet men who don't have those strong leadership skills, we become frustrated and dominate them. If they are not worthy of leading us, then they should cower at our feet. No?

Why should I, as an Alpha female, choose a male that can dominate me? The Alpha in me responds to the Alpha in him. When I see him, I melt. When he speaks to me in his commanding voice, all my usual arrogance goes out the window. He understands who I am. I understand who he is. He understands my strength, but subtly lets me know that he is in charge now and that I no longer need to be in charge.

We are not wolves. Yet no matter how much we shave our hairy bodies, deodorize our odors, build tall buildings that speak of our prowess and drive around in fancy speed devils, we are still humans. We are still part of the animal kingdom. No matter how deep we bury our instincts, they are still there.

I am an Alpha female and I desire an Alpha male.

Definitions of Alpha Male

posted Saturday, 8 October 2005

Definitions of Alpha Male on the Web:

a term used to describe a macho male character within a romance.
www.fictionforum.net/writers/articles/art01-02.html
An alpha male or alpha female is the individual in the community to whom the others follow and defer. Humans and their nearest species-relatives, the chimpanzees, show deference to the alpha of the community by ritualized gestures such as bowing, allowing the alpha to walk first in a procession, or standing aside when the alpha challenges. Canines also show deference to the alpha male in their pack, by allowing him to be the first to eat and the first to mate. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_male

Human alpha, beta, and omega males: the reality

posted Saturday, 15 October 2005

The subject of social dynamics, male/female relations, and the alpha/beta/omega dynamic is something I have been studying actively for months, both in reading and in life experience. I decided to take this study up after having had many girlfriends but having recently noticed that I was being broken up with first quite a lot. I suppose I had lost my magic after having graduated college and gotten focused on my career. My interest in this subject has nothing to do with me wanting to hurt or manipulate women.

I can surely attest that there are in fact alpha and beta males in the human portion of kingdom animalia. I would say that any woman who denies this probably denies a good portion of her own emotions and sensuality as well.

The alpha male...The funny, often charming guy who can be at a party and hardly say a word, but his body language says everything. The guy who could most likely have sex with a good portion of the women, single or hitched, in attendance that very night (and of course no one would be the wiser).

On the other side, the beta male. He very well might be good looking, funny, etc., but after ten minutes or so in the presence of the alpha male he will try to break the alpha male's frame of mind. He does this by subtle jokes that seem innocent but are intended to degrade the alpha male's status in the eyes of others. If he is successful in making the alpha male lose his cool and take the ‘low road’, he himself might very well be take the alpha position, for the night at least. I have seen it and been on both sides of it too many times to deny its reality. After all, it is the alpha male's world and most of the people there are just players within it.

The beta male might also readily submit to the alpha male in a genuine fashion, however. The beta male will also willingly argue with other beta males in an attempt to make others think he is the alpha male. Little does he know that the alpha male is just grinning to himself on the inside at the whole spectacle much of the time, and the women the beta male wants are more embarrassed than impressed by the beta male's behavior. Beta males often also act nice in order to curry favor with women and the alpha males.

Then there are the omega males – generally the true nice guys... but also what we call ‘losers’ Generally avoided, and the next day hardly anyone remembers they were even there. The guy who is almost guaranteed not to have sex that night, even if a women by luck takes a fancy to him, because his model of the world isn't such that he can take a girl home and just have sex with her if he so chooses.

This model I have just outlined is rigid and many of you will no doubt disagree with it. But there is a pecking order in life. The good news, at least, is that it isn't set in stone at birth: someone who is an alpha quarterback in high school can become a beta construction worker; and a beta or omega nerd in high school can become an alpha CEO later in his life.

And in the context of Taken In Hand – some natural alpha males who have hitherto let society fool them into thinking that Hollywood romantic beta behavior was what the world wanted of him, finally come around, as we have seen on this thread. There are many other permutations.

How has this insight changed things for me? Frankly, I no longer put women on a pedestal. I am still a gentleman. I open doors for women – hell, I open doors for men too, so it isn't a trick to curry favor. I now understand that women get attracted and have desire just as strong as that of a man.

My view is more realistic now... No scorn, no anger that my dream as a child of having a Hollywood romance may not happen – just realism. I am not the type of guy who wants to have sexual relations with every woman, but I have done experiments in pushing the envelope over the past 6 or 7 months. It has opened my eyes to the fact that the majority of women will do anything for what they perceive as the dominant male.

I have also started to understand social dynamics a bit better: I can see when people are trying to force me into a beta position. In the past I might not have caught it. I am cool and laidback and I wasn't really quick on the uptake, so to speak.

And this has been my realization: Men these days really aren't totally pussies at heart like they seem. They have merely been brainwashed into thinking this is the way to be.



What are Alpha, Beta, Gammas and Omega males?

posted Saturday, 15 October 2005

Originally, the terms Alpha, Beta, and even Gammas and Omega male applied to animals who live in packs, such as wolves and apes.

The Alpha is the dominant one...The strongest, meanest and the one who gets to have sex with all the females...

The Betas are also strong, and occasionally get to sneak some sex, but if caught by the Alpha, may face serious reprocussions.

The Gammas and Omegas are the lowest of the low...The weak males..perhaps deformed, old, or horribly injured in a fight...The ones who have zero chance of getting any sex, and sadly won't be able to pass on their genes.

This structure doesn't apply to humans strictly, but it most DEFINITELY does apply. When you start to watch people, at bars, parties, any gathering of people, there will generally be one guy who, either from the start, or over time brings everyone else into HIS reality. Everyone laughs at his jokes, the women giggle and claw for his attention.

The Beta Human Male is the guy who is jealous, but still kisses the Alphas ass, and often will have silly arguments with other Betas all the while being ignored by the women..The whole time the alpha grins to himself on the inside at the whole specatle, knowing full well he can take at least a few of these women into the bathroom and have sex right then and there.

The Gamma and Omega Male Humans are the "losers"...They try to start a conversations and the whole time the other person is trying their best to excuse themselves, etc...They are not even remembered for being at the gathering in the first place.

"Some 80 percent of the women strive for just 5 percent of the men."




"from the Steel door site"

The only way to be a 'real' submissive is to be real. This means be who you are. Be truthful, especially to yourself. If you are in a position where you do not desire a singular commitment to one Dominant at this time then be truthful about this as well. Subterfuge, deceit and manipulation are actions of a desire to control or fear of loss. Honesty is a harsh path but it is the only path where happiness and joy bear fruit. To deliver the fullness of yourself you have to find out who you are, and you have to find out that honesty and you are enough, just exactly as you are.

My Daddy told me
"If you have to prove yourself to anyone, then you don't need them..."

And I respect him

I have been around in several different forms, images, and profiles online
I blog
I write
I inform
I entertain

I keeps it real

And I am not here to compete with anyone

But I do post info to many who wish to lurk
So that maybe they may leave with a bit more than they snuck up on my page with
*blank stare*

But some of yall need to learn how to learn how to learn
lol

Because whatever you call yourself
online
And in your own mind

Don't mean that you know jack about if you are
Unless you are what you are
Already

Now I don't care if you get up in your feelings about my words

I'm not your role model

And you aint important to my cause

So try to learn more than you know

Like something new

Or someone new


Because I have nothing to prove

Do you?


respect