looking for a Dom when what they need is a doctor"
"...and some of the Doms should be
looking for a pSychiatrist instead of a sub."
I think that statement was the most profound I have seen from many of these drama queens and kings of comedy
And kink
*snicker*
I know a great deal about mental health
And I have studied a great deal about mental dysfunctions
And I have seen more than my fair share of it this so called lifestyle community and it's people in it
Maybe it's because while I am seen as many things by many of them type people
I also see many traits of mental disorders in many of the same people who seem to be more verbal about others as well
And maybe they know a bit about SM D/s and their craft
They don't know much about mental disorders
(it shows)
And how to best or better deal with them
Or themselves
So let's dig a bit deeper into the many things that effect the images of this lifestyle many claim to be a part of
The number 1 threat to this lifestyle and to basic relationship issues with many of you who are seeking mates is:
Co-Dependency
The word co-dependency is typically used to describe people who gravitate toward unhealthy relationships. Co-dependents live their lives through someone else. They feel controlled by others and they also feet the need to control others.
Co-dependence is learned. It includes behaviors, feelings and beliefs which lead to sacrificing values and personal needs in exchange for love and approval of others. Co-dependents take responsibility for others and neglect their own wants and needs. They are caretakers out of the need to be perceived as worthwhile because they are desperate for approval. This differs from caretakers who feel good about themselves and help people out of choice.
Most co-dependents appear to be strong and in control. However, inside they often feel inadequate and scared, and they desperately fear a loss of control. The need to control is usually an attempt to reduce their anxiety.
Most co-dependent people have been raised in dysfunctional families. They were taught that they were not important. They were encouraged to set aside their own needs and wants, and take care of others. In most cases, they acted adult-like as children.
People experience co-dependency in different ways. Typical characteristics include:
 | An exaggerated sense of responsibility and yet difficulty making decisions. |
| A preoccupation with others wants and problems, while neglecting themselves. This includes being compassionate and loyal even to those who might be hurtful to them. It also involves a difficulty knowing and expressing their own feelings - and yet having sensitivity toward others feelings. Others' attitudes determine their reaction and other people are responsible for their happiness. |
| Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. Co-dependents have learned that "love" and pain go together, and therefore they gravitate to needy or abusive people. They fear being rejected and hurt. They may appear nondemanding, but beneath this is a feeling of urgency for love and approval. There is a reluctance to trust others because that involves being vulnerable and/or asking for help. There is also a fear of abandonment, rejection and loneliness, and, therefore, the co-dependent will easily sacrifice their own needs to keep the relationship going. |
| Perfectionism. Co-dependents set inordinate expectations for themselves, thinking that if they succeed they will gain worth. Because what others do is a reflection of themselves, co-dependents also expect a lot of others. |
| Guilt, often felt when co-dependents stand up for themselves or are criticized. Co-dependents also experience discomfort when they are praised. |
| A tendency to use food, exercise, work, sex, excitement, and alcohol or drugs to help deny problems and to numb uncomfortable feelings. |
The job of recovering co-dependents is to become "undependent." This involves learning to love, accept, nurture and take care of themselves. It includes realizing that they, alone, are the center of their own lives and that others, although important, cannot exist in the center of their lives. It also entails accepting responsibility for creating their own experiences and feelings; and at the same time not taking responsibility for the experiences and feelings of others. As co-dependents learn to love and trust themselves, they will discover they have plenty of energy to do what they want as well as to love others.
If you would like to read more, the following are books about co-dependency:
| Beyond Co-dependency by Beattie |
| Co-dependent No More by Beattie |
| The Dance of Anger by Lerner |
| Healing the Child Within by Whitfield |
| Healing Together by Kritsberg |
| Learning to Love Yourself by Wegscheider-Cruse |
| Little Miss Perfect by LeBoutillier |
| Lost in the Shuffle by Subby |
| Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them by Forward |
| Recovery from Co-dependency by Weiss |
| Struggle for Intimacy by Woititz |
| Women Who Love Too Much by Norwood |
by Joan Miller, Ph.D. 2520 Windy Hill Rd. Suite 106 Marietta, GA 30067
I learned a bit about many of these disorders while my Mom was Cobb County Mental Health Director
As well as all the time she studied and was trained in identifying these disorders
I studied them too along with her and on my own time as well
As well as audited many college classes
Read many medical journals
Seen first hand many cases issues in real life
I digress
What I have learned first hand in viewing many of these different people around this lifestyle is that this lifestyle is a breeding ground for mentally dysfunctional people
Both Dominant and sub missive alike
(switches too)
Nobody is perfect
But some people are more mentally damaged than they want to admit or even able to allow their egos to allow them to be seen as less than they want to be seen as
So they hide behind these titles and in their dysfunctional social circles of like minded people
And there is no pride in like minded crazy people who seek others to gossip about
When they themselves all suffer from a few major mental dysfunctions themselves
Co-dependency is one of the main dysfunctions of modern day relationships
Along with Bi Polarism
(over 78% of all Americans suffer from some sort of bi polarism)
So how do you identify them?
What do you do when you find that someone has a mental disorder?
How do you treat them as a provider?
How do you deal with the side effects of medications given or not taken by them?
Are their any holistic treatments you can offer?
Are you trained and able to try to offer assistance?
What?
From what I have studied so far in this lifestyle and how it connects to the ability to offer assistance to mentally dysfunctional people who come to you in this lifestyle
You have to deal with it or call it what it is and is not worth trying to deal with
Just because you know a bit about this lifestyle does not give you the ability to deal with mentally disturbed people
Even if they look and feel just fine
They may not be
And it's not that hard to see many who do have special needs
And many people do not know what a special needs submissive is
Let alone what to do with them
Yet
You see so many of these lifestyle types
Jumping to the rescue of others they are not trained to handle
And it causes more drama and abuse
And the lifestyle community plays rumor mill to issues they are not aware of or able to understand
All they know is there is another person who is not doing something right
Most times you see them jumping on some poor Dom who took a poor mentally disturbed sub missive that is in need of more than they are able to offer
So it turns into another case of abuse and neglect
But in theory it's their fault for fucking with whoever comes to you for some sexual servitude
Only to find out they are in need of some mental therapy
And being that the ONE rule that most Dominants never respect
Never seems to be honored
(contacting the past owner or provider for instructions on what they have learned in dealing with them while in their care)
There is no honor between Dominants and Providers
Not even for the ability to provider better care than the last
Pride and ego in this lifestyle is also a threat to this lifestyle
Just because
So maybe many of you NEED to see a doctor
Maybe some of you need to see a therapist
Maybe some of you need to seek professional help
And not sexual assistance
But as long as many of you conduct yourselves as you do now
In this so called lifestyle of POCs
All you do is hurt each other more
And this lifestyle
As it is seen by others who wish more out of it than many of you provide while you gossip and drive a all ready out of control rumor mill
Mental health is a very real subject
More real than just what some of these so called real lifestylers know anything about
And that aint gonna change by changing your name to some Irish title
Even the Irish are just as mentally dysfunctional
*sadistic snicker*
So what are you really defending YOUR lifestyle community for?
Pride?
Where is the pride in allowing so much drama to run amuck
In your own community
And offer nothing more than gossip and back bitting
Maybe that is the best that you can do
Or will do
But is that enough?
Maybe more people should stand up and call out many of these mentally unstable people what they are
Mentally unstable
Then again
Maybe you just know how to strut around acting like your own shit don't stank?
Is that what these people should consider SSC?
Maybe we should look at the mental stability of our own providers and Dominants too
Because I can clearly see a few who need to get a grip of their own ego and start offering more than just bullshit too
And they are family too
But we all have crazy family too
Don't we?
*snicker*
But if you want to use this lifestyle for your own sexual ego?
Then maybe you don't respect the power of sex
And it's mental effect on unstable people
And knowing how better to deal with it or not
Faster!
There are some real mentally disturbed people hiding behind some really mentally dysfunctional people they call friends
And they are in this lifestyle too
Deal with it!
respect
For help with this subject try this site
http://NCSFreedom.org
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