The end of the community you wanted to be...

I'm thinking of the dynamic called community.

Not just the type you pick and choose.

But the kind of dynamic that has become so easy to use and abuse enough to rethink how we ALL respect the instinct called Community.

Like how right now Washington DC is talking about how we need Community support in our educational system more.

Like never before...

But what do you really know about being a community where you are right now more than you have been?

And why is what I'm talking about more of a personal problem for everyone including every one of you reading this.

Because I miss the dynamic I remember seeing called a community. 

And if this is the end of a era?

Let it be the end of each one of us trying to fool ourselves and everyone around us as to how we see our communities globally and not just locally.

Because these crack babies aint no different than these somebody's child.

And they all are gonna go wild if we let them.

But first...

We all have to be better communities.

Globally.

And NOT locally.

respect

My life is worth more than I let others define Me.

Ok, I'm back after quite a bit of prayer and meditation over quite a lot of personal emotions I have been suppressing this holiday season like so many years in My past.
And what I have to say may not be comfortable for a lot of people but I have to get this out...
*evil stare*
I have never felt the pain of that son who took the lives of so many along with his parents today.
I don't endorse his actions but I can relate to a certain type of pain he must have been suffering from in theory...
See..
ALL of My life has been a dirty little secret wrapped in shame and neglect.
From My conception that has been hidden in a certain shame that I never got the REAL TRUTH about who My real father is or was and why I have been considered the devil to My own mother on more occasions than I can remember or she will admit too.
To the whole story of how My grandmother really died and why so many people who remember My Grandfather kept calling Me his son.
To the reason why nobody has ever been able to find My real father who's name was Lewis Davis and on record in the city records of Pittsburgh Pa, but nobody wants to explain who was that guy My mother took with us on a ride to find out where My real father may have moved too the last time I went back home.
To all of the memories from My childhood that My family recalls how I saved us from being abandoned by both My parents on several occasions and yet every time I mention them days everyone wants to forget what part I played in sacrificing so much of My own childhood for the greater good of My family who has no problem with distancing their families from Me for the greater portion of My adult life.
To My issue with so many people I have befriended who have had no remorse in saving themselves and leaving Me alone with no repayment of the friendship I gave them in their growth.
To all the ugly answers to all the ugly questions My parents avoided and guarded to death before offering Me what I have been begging for all of My life.
To the reality that I have watched more people seclude Me from being considered as important as many of them in their new found memberships into these social orders they respect over their own family.
To the lack of actual concern for My own emotional need to be treated like I have treated others.
Yeah...
I have been dealing with quite a lot of issues My whole life.
Especially around the holiday seasons because I have now spent more of them alone than around the so called family and friends these holidays were ment to revolve around.
And yet I have struggled with My own personal respect for humanity while searching for that same definition in the many unforgotten memories of My own at the hands of so many who ave been close to Me due to My own devotion to supporting a cause that I have never been offered in return.
Yeah, I have had many days and nights that I questioned My own worth when I remember all the things I have sacrificed for others only to end up alone more than lonely.
And only this strange spirituality that I have found has kept Me from damning humanity as a whole for being so selfishly committed to a faith they surely do not honor as much as they use as a reason to turn their backs on so many in the name of their own reality.

And I had another one of them coming to Jesus moments today.
And I prayed over My issues and I meditated to calm My frustrations over so many reasons I have to curse humanity as it stands in the heads and hearts of so many who have no problem turning their backs on so many others as they cause more of what is happening today as the world shifts into a new age and energy.

And what I have come to the conclusion of is this...

I would rather live alone without anyone who can not understand My own personal convictions and emotional concerns than allow them to make Me more bitter towards humanity it's self.

I have found a better purpose where I am today.

I am worth more to so many who don't know Me personally from a distance than many of the people who claim to have been "closestly" related too. Because somehow they have been able to point out to Me My worth when I have sat in confusion as to why I am here on Earth. 

And I don't care who does not like what I have to say about My own personal feelings at this point.

I know, I am not perfect.
I know I do not belong to any importance other than why GOD placed Me here.
I know that I will never be one of them other people who live life to the fullest.
I know that the only thing wrong with Me is that I have been allowing the treatment of others define who I am today.
And I'm done...

I'm done caring about people who can not understand why I don't feel cared for...
I'm done allowing others to have too much of My time for My own personal need to be important to others...
I'm done trying to reach out to others who don't have anything productive to offer Me in return.

I'm done with not telling My story for the sake of not exposing the pain connected to My own conception.
I'm done with being ashamed to be of un pure blood.
I'm done with allowing anyone, including My family and friends, to devalue My need for love and respect as is.

And I will never let anyone try to fool Me into believing that what I have in My life to date is due to My own contribution in their lives.

I am a Island.

*evil grin*

GOD made Me who I am.

And the ONLY person I have to impress?
Is Myself.

I am a enigma.
But I'm alive because GOD believes in Me more than everyone else that made Me who I am to them.

December 21st 2012 is not a end.
It's a beginning.
And people are biodegradable because GOD made us that way.

respect

 Days like this makes you wonder what kind of faith base do people really follow?

Ok, we all played the politics game for a whole year.

And yet, nobody has been rounded up and deported for being in the wrong party in the history of this country.

Unlike Africa and many other countries in power in our history, who sold the spoils of war into slavery.

It's still America.

And we all still have the same damn issues.

We are not a 3rd world.

But to hear some today complain about their party being out numbered at the poles?

Depression, fear and even panic over the results of this election really causes reason to be concerned as to what is really wrong with so many Americans today.

As a whole.

On boh sides.

It was a fair fight.

Now, let's make up and not act like sore losers or winners.

Because as voting American adults?

We all know that our money has IN GOD WE TRUST for good reason.

But you have to wonder what is the excuse of so many people facing so many different emotions over their impression of how any party is going to ease our concerns over the lack of comfort that money offers us?

The Devil only has one power over simple humans.

Suggestion.

In GOD we trust.

In politics we loose our damn minds.

respect

The 3 wise Men. Rest in Peace

Now that I got a moment to reflect back on the losses in My family heritage that I need to take a moment to speak on...

Rest in peace Uncle Mike.

Now before yall go sending condolences and prayers again?

*evil stare*

Let Me explain something deeper about the family I know...

Uncle Mike was My pops LITTLE Brother.

And they was BOTH Gangstas.

My pops was a Gangsta for the "Movement" and for civil rights.

Uncle Mike was a Gangsta for His people and the family.

And then there was Uncle Sonny.

*smh*

Uncle Sonny was Voice of Reason. The Ultimate Gangsta.

These 3 Men have all passed in the course of a few years from each other, a year a part.

And what I remember about these 3 Men, was that they all held family, freedom, and a good reason to hustle with respect for all of that and how it effected each other.

I only got a chance to meet and talk with Uncle Mike one time as a adult. Right before My pops passing. And the next time I heard from Him was right after My pops passed.

Two times that ment more to Me than having known Him all My life. He told Me about My pops, His older brother. The missing pieces.

And I kinda wish I knew more about Uncle Mike.

I know I liked Him the first time I met Him.

I knew He liked Me too, and My Gangsta Family, as is too.

I knew each one of these MOST important Men in My life were all three different but the same.

They was good peoples.

And they was good peoples to good peoples and nothing to mess with with bad people.

And they didn't talk the talk.

They didn't brag on their dirt.

The respect the reasons why they fought so hard for all of us to have a moment today to remember them.

In peace.

And that's what I'm doing.

Remembering them.

Taking it all in.

In peace.

And I'm so blessed to have no other memories greater than these three Men in My life.

And that's 3 less phone calls when I got shit in My head that is causing the weather to send a signal for them to reach out and call Me just when I needed it.

That's 3 of the most important Men in My life that I no longer have to worry about dying anymore.

That's 3 less people on this earth that knew Me better than I know Myself.

That is not a loss.

That is My life.

And I'm still here.

Living with their memory.

Knowing that I may just be that Man one day to My family.

And they remember Me.

In peace.

Peace is relative.

We live to relax, relate, and to release.

The only thing we have is our relatives.

And our friends.

I'm am more blessed as is...

Because heaven/paradise has 3 Good Men watching over their relatives too.

So I'm gonna sit back and relax.

I'm glad some of you can relate.

And I want to believe that all sadness has been released.

Ashe

respect

The New Jack backlash in parenting and BDSM?

Crack really fucked up family values.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2NWEJbVAdw&feature=relmfu

It divided generations with disrespect.

It caused adults to suffer the denial that it even existed.

While todays youth loose respect for the older generation because their actions in the eyes of the youth have made them the weakest link.

Many of them are secret crack babies and children of alcoholics that now have evolving DNA that prevents them from finding answers at the source first.

Because the worst thing a parent can do is lie to a child about what is going on with them, when they don't know how much damage they created in them when they made them.

This is not just about single parenting.

It's about what caused so many adults to FAIL at being better parents to their children and better friends to their mates.

Some will fair better than others by luck or default. 

### *Pimpish Stare*

No offense to anyone, butt...

Todays adults...

Many of them.

Are not just hypocrites.

They are pussies.

And these kids are really angry and confused because they see, feel and know that todays society is evolving into infinite possibilities but these adults are not, have not, and in many cases will not evolve far enough to be honest and truthful with them past their own dysfunctional upbringings of past generations that fucked their heads up with their failure to practice what they preached.

And now we got these newer generations that have less obstacles socially and sexually, but are too young to know why their parents are having such a hard time evolving now.

And then there is BDSM.

wicked grin

In a day and age where historic numbers of less committed adults try to explain to themselves why they have so many issues that prevent them from forming more stable relationships while raising their children in single or fractured values of selfish desires and secret lust that they fear their children will inherit.

But, as I wonder how so many people omitted the title's clue to sobriety?

I find another opportunity to include mental dysfunctions as yet another silent killer of honest family values and constructive parenting.

evil grin

Let the parents with less sin cast the first stone at the glass house of present day evolution.

Children learn from what they see that is hidden from them more than what is attempted to be played in front fo them.

Like mom and dad's denial of their own deficiencies while omitting the honesty they crave.

And how in the fuck they think they can teach them how to beter utilize these BDSM tricks of the trade when they too have kinky lust forming with no format of SSC, or RACK or whatever.

So let's be honest.

Sex is a act that creates an effect in the human brain that compares to drugs like crack and heroin and even alcohol is not enough to blame for their parents sexual deficiencies.

And yet, here we are trying to make sense of the OP?

While the effects of the Earth's shifting into a new age is too deep for parents to notice in 2012.

And maybe THAT is what Nostradamus was scared shitless about too?

I don't know about many of you personally.

But I do know that many of you have kids or know others with kids who are struggling with trying to find a better image of what they wish they could teach their kids to look for in a mate.

But they hate the fate they may have passed on to the next generation just in the past 30 years of their memory of how their parents survived the 80s, 90s and the past 12 years of this new century.

And I will admit.

That I am more worried about todays adults than I am about todays children.

Because it's not about how well you think you have not fucked up their image of adulthood.

It's how in the hell do you think your gonna fix it while trying to find some form of stability in the BDSM community?

Really...

.

respect

"Send My fee to paypal and when it clears I will give you an appointment for my time."

I just noticed that I been quite online today....

*wicked grin*

And I been preoccupied for most of the day with a few people who all have found the need to demand a certain amount of My time for no benefit of My own after each experience.
And I know it.
I own it.

I allowed My day to be kinda highjacked by a few people I invested My time in allowing them to take for no greater improvement on our re

lationship or My current existence.

Meaning?

I really need to stop being so available to so many people who just want to waste some time being entertained for a few minutes in their day. While I spend another slow unproductive day being drained of the little energy I have on any given day.

And I don't want anyone to get up in their feelings about what I'm saying.

But I'm being honest.

When call you to express their issues without asking you about your own?

Who's fault is it to notice the lack of value in that exchange?

When you try to communicate your actual intent, instinct or emotion to others who have assumed that you may feel otherwise?

Who's fault is it to allow them to agree to disagree when they lack the ability to understand your point of view?

When you wake up in the morning and plan on being productive and then by the time more than half of the day is over and you find that most of it has been spent on people that have no importance in your day to day life?

Who should consider the reasons why they allowed that to happen again in their own lives?

And what is the honest thing to do more often than allow yourself to be kidnapped by others seeking your attention for no real intent other than finding a ear to suck energy and time from?

*evil grin*

Right!

Protect your own neck...

Cut them off or just limit their access to you.

And do you...

Even if doing you is nothing more simple as chilling in peace and enjoying the serenity around you.

And if it offends them?

Think of how they felt about wasting your extra time.

That should be enough to defend your own humanity.

Why allow others to gain too much access to you for no nutritious value to your own being from them?

When in honesty they don't even consider your being even a option of concern.

Kinda like walking past someone and they say to you "how are you doing?" but keep on walking without even concern for a reply.

And if you do reply with "how is yours doing?" and they stop and talk a hole in your head as if you asked to be a misery dump because you asked.

*~snicker~*

I really need to learn how to better defend My own identity.

TMI is the main cause of agreeing to disagree.

This is almost as deep as don't ask, don't tell.

Not that it should matter.

But that it's not My business.

And now I'm looking at the clock noticing where all of My time so far has gone.

And I'm good with that, this time.

But I'm gonna have to do better.

No harm

No foul.

respect

When the student becomes the teacher...

   

The Art of politics.

A young Master learns from a True Master of the Art of War

The passing of the torch

*evil grin*

I haven't had much reason to blog for quite a while.

Maybe because I found it easier to just spew short post on other social sites that made Me lazy.

Until I found Myself shortening My post at times that what I felt like saying was just not complete in 200 words or less..

lol

But as I watched the character of this country flip through so many flavors of love and hate as of late?

I could not wait for the right words to formulate in My mind enough to fold it's self into a challenge.

How do I express the mess we have gotten ourselves into?

As a Nation of people

divided

And never been defeated.

But it's no secret that mass amounts of American people have been picking sides and drawing lines in the burning sands of progress and depression.

While guessing

Who is messing

With our lives

And livelyhoods.

And the goods are less than the bads.

And the sadness and frustrations have forced forecast of fear of failure.

If someone does not 

TAKE BACK

some image of hope that we lack the knack to attack

Because the facts have become fiction

Depending on what side you see from.

But I digress...

Because I would guess that just as the predictions professed.

We are faced with a mess

Of problems and no formula to solve them.

That anyone can agree upon.

And gone are the simple days

When one vote was all it took

Buy hook or crook

To change the ways

For better days

And speaking of dazes?

These are our our last days

Our last ways

To praise

What used to be.

2012

Is not a end

It's a new beginning

But nobody is winning

Because all bet are off

Because we are now on the boarder

Of a new world order

And let's not pretend that it was expected that the world would end

That depends on who you ask

The task of a fix fast

Has past

And at last

We are free

To be a whole new we

The people

United

Will never be defeated

And repeat it

Until we see it

*evil stare*

But the world is shifting faster than any location or nation can guess the rotation of power.

This very hour

Has put a sour note

In the very Constitution they wrote

And hope

Is the new dope

On a bigger scope

The slope is unpredictable

There is no form to this new formula.

The formality is you and Me

And Unity is a fantasy

And we have too much future to repeat our history

Not from memory

And that brings Me back to the student

The Master

And the Teacher

When the lessons to be learned have not been invented as of yet?

You can bet

That the best teacher

Is the creature who has not become a Master yet

But has honored the challenge of becoming a Master student

Of a New Order of a World

That has not changed as of yet.

But it's 2012

The end is near

And aint no future in our front'in

Respect

I still remember...911

I will admit that after 11 years I'm still kinda salty about the whole 911 issue.

It was not just the loss of so much of My possessions that bother Me still, but more about the memory of the attitudes of so many people I knew and worked with and how I was treated right afterwards.

And maybe that is another reason why I don't go home as much as I used to too?

Because what I remembered the most about the whole 911 event was the attitude of everyone. (family included)

And how Americans turned on Americans like Myself.

So every time I see bigotry and racism I think of how Americans acted right afterwards towards each other. 

I think about how it felt to be homeless and being told there is nothing home for you to come back too.

I think about being one of the few people trusted enough to set up the set for the Presidents first speech in Atlanta and how the other Union guys acted while we was working that event. 

I think about how angry Americans was.

I think about how READY FOR WAR everyone was.

And I think about the countless amounts of people who died because American was so anxious for a war that so many later blamed so many others OTHER than themselves.

And as I now sit in at least a stable recovery that has taken almost 11 years to get to thus far...

I'm still ashamed of the Americans I remember back during and after 911.  And how they treated each other including Myself.

And I'm most silent in thought still on this day.

Because I remember.

respect

2012... it's still not over yet.

This is a interesting time of year spiritually.

http://www.2012-spiritual-growth-prophecies.com/2012-prophecy.html

*wicked grin*

As metaphysical animals, we humans all go through natural instincts subconsciously as seasons change and the earth shifts and goes through it's phases with the other planets.

And seldom do we stop for a moment and really focus on our vibrations and the vibrations of others and how this year, this moment, this season has been the MOST t

alked about event in the history of mankind as we know it.

These moments this second, this day, this season has been prophesied by scholars and mystics for more centuries in our history than many of us have studied.

And yet, there is so much to distract us from a moment of reflection and maybe even to better focus on the possibilities this Earths shift can effect our realities.

No need for alarm or insecurity.

But this is the year 2012.

And we have less time until the deadline mentioned as the end of a era than we have shopping days till XMass...lol

And the planet and the stars around it is doing some unique things right now. And I don't know how, but as simple humans I know that lately our minds and our world around us has been changing more than normal.

So I guess what I'm saying is how do you feel?

respect