DRUM

I often drift back in my memory of days past
In my young adulthood
When times were good
In the hood

And I remember the celebration of realities of our culture
And the "what if's" of that reality

Being a Alpha Dominant Black Man in America

And I remember

Drum





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQXVUutxD2w

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/drum-ken-norton-blaxploitation-excerpts-mandingo-sequel/3031813701

What if there were no niggas, just Master teachers...?

I stay woke!

EB





respect

Hints to live by in a new BDSM relationship

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A lifestyle without style aint even a life?

In order to have a productive lifestyle experience?

You first have to understand that a lifestyle is not a group sport

A lifestyle is what you do when your not living the rest of your own lives
Your everyday lives

And having someone to share your life with is a plus

These lifestyles are not selfish sports
Even if many treat them like it
That don't mean that they are doing anything more than faking it too

But who wants admit that their life is not complete enough without someone to share it with and enjoy the experience together?

How many of you people who claim these sexual lifestyles
Even respect that all of these lifestyles are of a sexual nature

And the only one you have to fuck is your mate or provider
So
How come so many people are just fucking around with these lifestyles?
And bitching about how fucked up it is sealing the deal?

These lifestyles are relationship based lifestyles

If you can not productively survive a relationship together?
Then everything else is just bullshit waiting to happen


Maybe I am a bit more blessed than a few others
Maybe I'm just from a different world
Maybe THAT is my style
Maybe it's my faith

But as I look around these lifestyle groups
Full of adults
Freaks who want to become more than just a freak
Others who just want to be somebody they wish they could be

I wonder how so many people have the nerve to judge others
Just by what they think they read and see
On others personal profile pages and journals

And everybody wants to be a big shot
Everybody wants to believe in some shit that aint real
Until you are living it
To the fullest

But people got this lifestyle shit twisted!

They really think that just because you are kinda kinky
That you need to be king and queen of fuckin kink
The act like they need to save the world
They claim that they are put on this earth to better
These lifestyles
By acting like this shit is some public shit
By acting like THEY need to protect others from their own lives
By acting like these lifestyles are important

And lawd knows most of them are not ready to deal with most of the realities that these lifestyles create

You can't do shit by your self but masterbate

And sex is a act more powerful than drugs
And we got stupid addicts running around the net
Like they care about anything more than not being alone
As much or as less as so many others seem to be

They even change their names to
Dominant and submissive or switch
They change their mentality to
Owned or unowned
They change their directions to
Lifestyle community or loneliness

They act like knowing ANYTHING about these lifestyles
Is gonna change what they are or not
They act like knowing what they went though is a badge of honor
But they only know what not to do

You see post on how to find the worst kind of person
Who seeks weakness for their own manipulation
And they scare the shit out of others
Just to warn them of their own fears

You see people hate on others for claiming to be interested in something they too think they are into in the same manner enough for them to protect the integrity of these lifestyles in general

As if these lifestyles need defense from negative images

People even act as if when they sign off line
They go out and live for nothing but these lifestyles
They act like everybody has kink on the brain every second of the day

And worst of all
These people think that these lifestyles can be defined

And people get up in their feelings
When they see someone who seems fake to them
And some even go further
Thinking they need to defend what they feel to be right or wrong about how others live their lives
Without ever meeting anyone

So lets first figure out what is missing from this
"Shituation"

The reason why so many people have such a fucked up time
Attempting to become a productive lifestyle member
May be
Because they don't even know what it takes to first have a productive life enough to get deeper into these sexual lifestyles with anyone respectfully

You can not add style to a life you are not ready to invest more of your life in with anyone else

And it first takes having more control over your own lives

The term lifestyle was originally coined by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler in 1929.

The current broader sense of the word dates from 1961.

In sociology, a lifestyle is the way a person lives. A lifestyle is a characteristic bundle of behaviors that makes sense to both others and oneself in a given time and place, including social relations, consumption, entertainment, and dress.

The behaviors and practices within lifestyles are a mixture of habits, conventional ways of doing things, and reasoned actions.

A lifestyle typically also reflects an individual's attitudes, values or worldview.

Therefore, a lifestyle is a means of forging a sense of self and to create cultural symbols that resonate with personal identity.

Not all aspects of a lifestyle are entirely voluntaristic. Surrounding social and technical systems can constrain the lifestyle choices available to the individual and the symbols she/he is able to project to others and the self.

The lines between personal identity and the everyday doings that signal a particular lifestyle become blurred in modern society . For example, "green lifestyle" means holding beliefs and engaging in activities that consume fewer resources and produce less harmful waste (i.e. a smaller carbon footprint), and deriving a sense of self from holding these beliefs and engaging in these activities.

Some commentators argue that, in Modernity, the cornerstone of lifestyle construction is consumption behavior, which offers the possibility to create and further individualize the self with different products or services that signal different ways of life.

So what others have now defined as a lifestyle
Is really undefined
If done correctly

But to hear so many others tell it?

There is ONLY a few ways that EVERYONE has to choose
How they can live
And call what they do a part of this lifestyle that so many others claim to be a part of

And that's bullshit!

As I see it?

A vanilla person or couple who has no knowledge of these lifestyles
Has a better chance of getting it right in time
Over so many others who keep acting like this shit is so hard to get into without killing each other

And yes, people do fuck up
People do abuse these lifestyles for personal gain
People do wish to be a part of the "in crowd"
Even in these online communities

Politics

The term lifestyle in politics can often be used in conveying the idea that society be accepting of a variety of different ways of life---from the perspective that differences among ways of living are superficial, rather than existential. Lifestyle is also sometimes used pejoratively, to mark out some ways of living as elective or voluntary as opposed to others that are considered mainstream, unremarkable, or normative.

Within anarchism, lifestylism is the view that an anarchist society can be formed by changing one's own personal activities rather than by engaging in class struggle.

And yet, the people who scream the loudest about what these lifestyles mean to them?
Are the worst ones at doing a damn thing more than grouping up with anyone who is going in the same direction
And have the nerve to judge others on how they do what they do
And call it what everyone else wants to claim is

And after having met many people in real time
In these lifestyles

Euphemism

"The lifestyle" is term commonly used in both BDSM and swinging.

I'm not impressed

Because they are so busy judging others
That few notice that they aint doing shit!

But they seem to have permission to fuck with everyone else they see who is doing nothing more than their own thang!

Aint that some shit?

How can so many single people
And people who are not so single but they claim to have freedom
To fuck with others who are looking for some new freaky and kinky shit to do with their spare time

And most of this shit is just sexual acts
Or almost sexual acts

And yet
These people can not respect open sexuality as a whole
Not people they don't think they like the images and actions they have exposure too
And THAT is the real issue here

Too many people have too much exposure to others lives
And they don't know shit about anything more than what they have lived to know about their own personal shit

And what scares me is the amount of people who loose their own identity for the need of being called a Dom or sub
Or whatever

But we got people who got beef with others because of how they write and what they think they can judge from what they get from what they read or hear n the rumor mill

And you wonder why so many people get mad because they can't find someone online?

Maybe it's because your ass don't need to be looking for shit!

Maybe your ass don't get why these lifestyles are really made for

Maybe it's because you have no control over your own realities

Maybe too many people are too busy looking for shit to get into with others they think should pay them some attention
And their own shit aint ready to deal with the deeper shit in life that comes with these lifestyles
In real time
With at least a mate you have enough faith in to explore these lifestyles with


But to call what we do a lifestyle by so many is as fake as they claim others seem to be

Lifestyle anarchism is a term derived from Murray Bookchin's polemical essay "Social Anarchism Or Lifestyle Anarchism: An Unbridgeable Chasm." He used it to criticise those anarchists who he believed advocated individualism at the expense of class struggle. The term is sometimes used by anarchists as a description of positions that concentrate on changes to personal behaviour rather than the wholesale reorganisation or abolition of class and hierarchical society, or simply as a synonym for individualist anarchism.

Critics of this term see this definition as a form of sectarianism; anarchist librarian and activist Chuck Munson for example, denies that lifestylism exists, and has decried the concept as "one of the most divisive and destructive things inflicted on the anarchist movement in recent years."

Practical Anarchy has identified the "lifestylist" debate "simplistic" and exhorted anarchists to move on from it.

There is no right way of doing everything in these lifestyles
Unless you are doing them with your mate
And productively growing together
Because of the experiences you learn that each of you enjoy
Together

And playing well with others?

Well, if you can't trust your own damn mate?
Then you don't need to act as if you can handle another one

But it's so easy to sample these lifestyles with any partner
That is willing to get down with you
That is does not matter to many of you at that time
That you are not sure that you will both be able to live with each other and grow from what you know
Together

Because most of you people do not have time
You fear risking your heart, health, and life to someone else
Anyone else

And misery loves so much company
That too many of you take offense to others who don't give a fuck about you
Even if they claim to have some oath of honor
All bets are off on any lonely night
Just for the need of not being lonely that night

So let's get a bit more real about this so called lifestyle shit

I don't know many of you
And most of you damn sure don't have a clue about me

But we all can learn from even the most clueless person
About this lifestyle

If you are looking for something positive in every direction

Most of you are just wasting time at work
Bored and lonely
And always looking at everyone else's lives with Rose colored glasses
Trying to tell everybody else what they are doing wrong
And most of you are doing nothing positive
More than sitting on your ass
Living in others heads and lives rent free
And acting like everybody should follow you

And that is bullshit!

And too many of you have invented a warped since of reality
In what you THINK these lifestyles should be
Just for you
In your own personal life
That few are willing to invest any great amount of time to
Because this shit aint about you

The general understanding of these lifestyles are:

First you get control of your own life
You respect your own personal realities
Then you consider what you have room to share
And then you make room for them in your lives
Then you prepare your self for proving how important they are to you and your life's needs and purpose
Then you take the risk
And you stick to your word and your direction
And you live
Until you find someone who enjoys your company
And then you impress them
And if your lucky
You can then explore these lifestyles
Together
Enjoying the lessons before you
Together

And in time
You may be a shining example of something that looks like
Productive real time partners
Who are driven to respect what these lifestyles have to offer
To couples
Or others who can afford to see the services of a provider


But if your ass aint got no faith in improving your life with someone for the long haul?

Then fucking around for the need of doing something kinky or freaky aint gonna cut it

And it will show

And it is showing on many of the side bar comments and social group gossip of many of the so called "REAL" lifestyle folks

And all the while

Real people who want to explore real time
With real people of like minds and lives that do not conflict with each other
These new people are seeking the same shit that so many others claim they desire

But they are not buying into the bullshit and cliques
That seem to be keeping more people from being impressive for just being unique and worthy

And they are finding others who are willing to walk with them
As they learn how to not only understand what BDSM is
But learn how to make it their own
Together

In time
As they live more connected
Through time
Together

This is not a game to them
This is a addition of style to their lives

And with or without these lifestyles
They have a better chance of enjoying a few kinky acts
Than becoming jaded to the possibilities that they will ever find true love and true lifestyles to live by

As so many of you
Bitch and moan about how fucked up it is wanting something
You are not ready to have

Because your people skills suck

And most of you don't know shit about other people

And that is what these lifestyles are all about

Other people

"Oh yeah, and it's about..."




respect

Take alittle respect with your weekend

I was reading a post that stood out well enough to write a damn blog once again on someone's page

And being that them folks don't talk to some folks enough for all to see at least the comments

I thought I would make this reply my blog for the weekend

And here it goes..

You packed a rack of shit in this one shawtay...
Aight
This internet shit is deeper than people have a clue about while they sit in comfort behind a screen seated in private view...lol

That theory alone is a bit too deep to get into here

Butt, stalking is a effortless crime.
You can accidentally do it and find out after you get a TOS report

*blank stare*

That shit is even deeper when you find out that real people take this shit for real in their real lives

But nobody knows what that is and everybody is looking for a more real life

And this is a energy based system

Butt, nobody knows what that is, so they just like this online shit because you can come up on some real shit you never would have met on the ride to and from home.

Where dose stalking come in?

From the first time you join more than one email address

Anywho

People get stalked when they find out that someone is available by addiction to the same internet

Ok, I'm gonna speak on them schools.

Schools for subs, slaves, hoes, strippers, house staff, nannies, pool boys, alter boys, nuns, ect...

Funny thing about today?

It's not so far from back in the day when AT LEAST people of color in these cities and a few rural areas had houses of subs, slaves, tops, bottoms, switches, waitresses, card dealers, madams, doms, pimps, and Pimptresses but they called them something lady like...

*blank stare*

This lifestyle is not just service oriented, but personal.

You have people that train every fucking type of something or someone that you would like.

But I know people who are SOLD into these lifestyles, and they become livestock...For real. And many of them model types aint around hur no moe

So when I hear of that and think of all the type people who are of color who would train someone to be with ONLY someone of color too or whatever...
I wonder what they fuck they selling?

Used car lots for subs aint impressive unless you can back that shit up with a money back "ga-run-tee"

And the gubbament does not have enough money to ensure that shit
So ummm...
*wicked grin*
I THINK IT'S a good Idea!

My ass is broke...lol

If I have to pay for a damn sub or slave she better be a real good money maker.
Because her ass needs to get out on that street and get ME MY MUN'NAY, be it a job or some kinky shit.
*Pimpish grin*
I know that shit is really real out here in the real world and I mean not just in the cities and states of this country.
So why don't Dominants just say FUCK Paying for a hoe, slut, bitch, sub, slave, ect..
And get PAID for sponsoring a native of another third world country who would be happy to be sold.
Maybe we should start early? Like Woody Allen?
We all teach or at least try too, but that is what we call communication and manipulation.
Thats not just the American way but also for blue bloods and Royals of the real world
So what kind of fucking product are we putting out that is worth paying for, that we can use to make our lives better in kink?

Next they will say they have a KIT in Walmart and Taget in the drug store department, but that shit is gonna cost ya...

Choosing a Dominant should not cost the Dominant unless the Dominant has to do NOTHING but what the DOminant paid for them to do...
Wow!
WHAT a concept?
Now about that sub shit?
No matter what anyone wants to say.
The only real subs are subs who are really submitting to someone at that time, and still going...

If your between services?
Then your just subbish...lol

I mean not taking anything away from anyone, but submissives are more quiet about who they are because they smooth with they shit.
All this screaming about how and who and this and that is really some bullshit.
Yall aint supporting each other so much that you turning out owned subs by the week...lol

So if all of this sisterhood shit is really as fucked up as it looks to so many others who would kinda want to hear what you know about this lifestyle than all the bullshit yall go through smelling up each others asses


Make that money!



respect

Your style is not who you are but what you are.

We all have our own styles and characteristics
We have our own lust and kinks that are just as individual as each one of us on this planet

We have NATURAL talents and traits that make us who we are and how we are or wish to be

And these lifestyles have plenty of room for everyone

But I think a great deal of us suffer from the ability to explain exactly who and how we are
And what we seek or wish for more in our lives and lifestyles

And I have done a few post on the types of titles available in the foundation of what this lifestyle has to offer each and every one of us

So instead of just posting the general definition of types of Doms and subs and such

I want to see if I can get a few lurkers and regulars to think deeper as to whom they are as a individual in these lifestyles
And what you have to offer others who are seeking others too

Because this subject covers the vast difference in relationships that many of us seek or seek to improve

Maybe that is why so many are shun or accused of NOT being something they feel is so general

Maybe we are not answering these very important questions from the very introduction to the moments you find you have changed and want more or less or even something different

So lets first talk about Dominants

As a dominant
You have certain talents and traits that make you who you are
Like just because your a Daddy Dom Type
Does not mean that you can not be a real good provider
Or trainer
Or even counselor and motivator

But what else makes you feel you can be a good provider?
Because you can be a good Daddy Dom but suck at dealing with a bratty ass sub who pushes your buttons for attention

You can be a Sadist
But how?
Are you in control of your sadistic nature?
How can your sadistic nature benefit your Dominance in a SSC manner?

And what if you are not a Sadist?
How can being more emotionally humble by nature benefit your Dominance?

Do you have a temper?
How bad is it?
Do you have a boiling point?
Can you instruct others as to how not to go that far with you?

Are you a good listener?
How attentive are you?
How well can you deal with conflict?

Do you know your own dysfunctional traits?
WE ALL HAVE THEM
It's natural!

Are you gifted?
How?
How can that assist in your training of others?
Are you able to explain them and how they may benefit others?

What drives you to want to be a Dominant?
What image of accomplishment drives you seek devotion to you?

Why do you want to devote your life's journey to being a provider to others?

Are you monogamous?
Can you handle being monogamous with JUST one?
What about Polygamous?
Are you mentally strong enough to deal with others emotions?
What if you have a bottom, sub/slave that is Bi sexual?
Can you deal with sharing your mate sexually with others?
What kind of others?
Can you deal with being honest, open and fair sexually?

And what about sex?

Do you have a high or low sex drive?
Is it driven by your attraction to your mate?
Are you attracted to your mate sexually?
What turns you on?
For how long generally?
How comfortable are you with your sexuality?
Nudity?
Public sexual expression?
Are you at peace with your kink and sexuality?
Are you addicted to sex or sexual activity?
What kind of sex do you like the best?
What if your mate does not like your kink like you do?
What turns you off quickly?
Are you driven to your kink sexually?
How much sex do you need in reality?
What do you like more than sexual aggression?
How well are you at being not only able to role play, but be able to invent productive and fun scenes to play?
How much do you know about the mental and hormonal effects of sexual contact with others?
How well are you prepared to deal with others fears and history of abuse?
Do you play well together sexually?
What if they want more than you can physically handle?
What if your property shuts down sexually?
Can you handle sexual conflict?
What if they seek non sexual contact and you want it?
How do you deal with jealousy?

And what about mental conditioning and support?

How much do you know about it?
How well do you know your partner?
What do they suffer from?
What can cause a imbalance in their mind set?
Can you tell?
How well are you at seeking help professionally if needed?
What do you know about medications that effect a persons mentality?
What do you know about hormones?
Chakras
Energy
Auras


What in just these few questions can you answer as to how your Natural talents and abilities drive you to provide for someone else in need of your services?

What makes you think you can be a good Dominant?
What makes you think that you can be a better provider to whom seeks your company or you theirs?

When is enough enough?

How true are you to your words when you find them to not be a good match together?
Do you seek help?
Or send them packing?

No matter who you think you are when you decide that you are a Dominant
Being one means nothing if you have no one to provide for
Or does it?

And most of all

YOU ARE NOT A DOMINANT
YOU ARE A DOMINANT HUMAN BEING

Do you know the difference?
Can you express that to others openly?

Do you respect the difference between being domineering and being a SSC Dominant?

Are you able to better communicate exactly what you are and are not?

Do you have the ability to cut your losses if there is more of a sexual attraction than a D/s, M/s, Top/bottom, and even vanilla relationship?
Even if that means turning down someone who wants more than what you know you can provide?

ALL OF THESE TYPE QUESTIONS
Are the difference between a REAL Dominant in their own mind
And a predator for attention or attentions you see so many others getting because they consider themselves a Dominant in these lifestyles

It's ok to want to fuck the dog snot out of somebody
Shit
Anybody!
But
What about pride?
What about character?
What about your self respect?

Why would anyone want to publicly claim to be someone
Just so they can get laid?

DOMINANTS
Have to be a respectable title to the Dominant
More than anyone else
First!
That any true Dominant has to defend
Or understand that you loose nothing
For being just a dominant person by nature
Even freaky in a little way

But a lier is not impressive

Especially just for some popularity and kinky sex

But we have to respect that others do not have the same standards or concern for this lifestyle as other who claim it openly or not


Now...

Sub-missives
*snicker*

I'm really feeling the need to write a post
JUST FOR YOU FOLKS

Because the FIRST thing that needs to be corrected in the manner many sub missives in this realm use the WORD it's self
And how they include themselves as one
Or not

And I want to include switches in this post too

And being that you both claim at least submission as a trait and title

sub missive
IS NOT A NAME
Don't go acting like you should even name your kids
"Submissive"

*blank stare*

But that is kinda the way some of you types act that word describe who you are or kinda are

YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING TOO

You may have submissive traits or even be submissive in nature

But just thinking that being called one
And fellowshipping with others who do the same
Is not a lifestyle or a community

READ ALL OF THAT AGAIN OUT LOUD IN YOUR OWN HEADS

Because after you have found that your are attracted to being submissive to anyone or someone worth seeking?

Your work is not done!
So playing with your friends do not make you smarter
You have to study
And the first thing you have to learn is how to express openly
WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE
And how does your desire to submit fit into your personality

WHAT MAKES YOU
y/you

If you are not able to communicate from the start
And anywhere after
That you are who and how you are?

Then you can set up yourself and anyone else for failure

Just because they know less about you
Than you know about yourself

It is your duty to give a perspective Dominant a better chance at being the RIGHT ONE for you or not

Even if you have no idea what I am talking about here
Still
You have to protect yourself first
Because if anyone sees that you are unconcerned how destructive the possibilities can be to both of you?
They can become bitter and even terrorized by your concern for their own time and efforts
Or even respect for telling them at least what YOU do know you know enough to know that you need more empathy and concern than anger and mistrust

And let me put this out there now...

SUBMISSION IS THE MOST POWERFUL NATURAL TRAIT
When mastered

And the word here that is most important here is
MASTERED

Because you don't have to have all the answers
But having NOTHING but questions
Is not impressive or even comfortable for someone who wishes to become your "ONE" and only

And anyone who feels comfortable enough to think they know enough at any point in their lives to not have to earn a deeper respect and control of their power
Is a dangerous person
To everyone

Especially themselves


So what makes your submission something worth calling yourself a sub missive?

What is the NATURE of your NATURAL submissive traits?

What about you do you respect and enjoy being submissive like?

Are you a sexually driven sub?
What kind?
(yeah there is a rack of kinds to be)
Do you know?
What do you know that you are not sexually into?
What kink attracts you?
How?
Why?
What makes you want to submit to anyone?
For what reason?

Do you understand that both sexes are or can be submissive?
What's the difference?
What makes you different than others?
What makes you the same?
Do you care?

How well do you communicate?
Are you selfish?
Can you change?
Do you want to change?
How much?

What about being a sub missive to a Dominant?
Can you stay in character?
Why?
How?
How attentive are you to others?
Your perspective provider?
How well can you deal with conflict?

How far do you want to submit?
Why?
What is too far?
Do you know the difference?
What if you are wrong?
How well can you honor direction?
What if that direction is too forceful?
How do you deal with orders?
How much of your freedom do you want to submit?
Why?
How?
What if you can not let go?
Is there such a thing as deal breakers?
Why?
How serious are you about your direction in these lifestyles?
Are you monogamous?
Are you Bi?
Can you be both?
How?
Why?
How strong are your own personal desires?
Do you know what they are?
What dysfunctions and fears are you not in control of?
Do you know what that means?
How do you see yourself in general?
How do you compare yourself to others?
Are you willing to face these fears?
To what point?
Can you defend yourself from yourself?
How?
How can others assist you?
What if they can not always help you when you need help?
How well do you respect your weaknesses?
Do you have the strength to admit you need help?
How?
Why?

Why do you NEED a Dominant?
What can having a suitable provider and protector improve your own personal life?
Why can you not do it own your own?

What are you willing to trade in fairness for what you seek in these lifestyles from others?

What if you get less than you feel you deserve?
What if you have to change more of who you think you are comfortable with being?

What about sex?
Do you know how your sexuality connects to your kink?
Or why?

Do you play well with others?
What if you had to share your perspective mate?
Is that a deal breaker?
What is?
Can you communicate that and other issues productively?

How much control are you willing to respect if the demands on you become too uncomfortable?

How comfortable are you with explaining your own personal needs?
What goal do you have if provided a suitable partner?

What if you have to compromise?
How far are you willing to compromise?

Do you have walls?
What are they?
Why are they conflictive to your growth?

What about competition?
Are you willing to compete for attention and attractions over others?
Why?
Why not?
What is worth it?
What is not?

As you can see...

There is much more than just being a Dom or sub or whatever

You are unique

And nobody knows how much until you open up
And let others in your head, life, world, and heart in some cases

But these lifestyles were made from a natural order of human nature

And when done faithfully
It can enhance your lives

When done productively
It produces style to your life

When done faithfully
It produces blessings

But when don't half ass?

You get what you put into it
Together
Or not





LIFE IS A GAME

It's about how you play it
And how you play well with others
Even if the others
Are the other sides of your own personality

But too many people as of late have treated all of these sexual lifestyles as a fad or plaything

They don't consider that these lifestyles are support to lives worthy of a deeper growth and expression

As grown consenting adults

With freaky and even kinky lust
For a more full life
Together

And all of these lifestyles are made for relationship support
Not for personal manipulation and indulgence

Because what use is it to go through to much trouble?
If your not gonna get more than what so many of us feel we deserve out of life and our lifestyle

But these lifestyles are the best excuse to add more style to your everyday lives

But in order for any of you to enjoy any productive part of any of these lifestyles?

You have to first respect who you are as a productive part of these lifestyles
Or not
If you so choose this direction
With anyone else

But first you have to understand
Anything worth enjoying
Is worth the amount of personal work you put into it
Or not

But JUST being a title does not prepare you for every other moment you are not getting kinky with your perspective mates

Only YOU can prevent the drama you keep getting into with others

Maybe some of the fault in so many downfalls in these lifestyles and even in the vanilla world, is not being able to communicate better your needs and your abilities to respect others need for you too
With them

Together for some other reason than just fucking!

Because these sexual lifestyles are not about the sexual nature

It's about how they can enhance your life

It's like your wardrobe

It's not the clothes that make the Man or Woman
It's the style that they wear what makes them who they are and how they feel

Without style in our lives?

We just look like naked people with something covering their nudity

Now nudity is a whole other subject

Because THAT is all we are

Naked

Everything else about us is inside our own minds and mindsets

But when people look at us

First they see who we look like we are
And if they are attracted to that?
They dig deeper
And that is how this shit called life is


Style

Style may refer to:

• Genre, a loose set of criteria for a category or composition
• Design, the process of creating something
• Format, various terms that refer to the style of different things
• Human physical appearance
• Fashion, a prevailing mode of expression, i.e. clothing
• Typeface, style is one of the three traditional design features along with size and weight: either regular, italic or condensed

Style may also refer to:

• Painting style, in art and painting style can refer either to the aesthetic values followed in choosing what to paint (and how) or to the physical techniques employed
• Style (manner of address), titles or honorifics, including Chinese courtesy names
• Style (botany), a stalk structure in female flower parts. See Gynoecium

Style of life

The term style of life was used by psychiatrist Alfred Adler as one of several constructs describing the dynamics of the personality. It reflects the individual's unique, unconscious, and repetitive way of responding to (or avoiding) the main tasks of living: friendship, love, and work. This style, rooted in a childhood prototype, remains consistent throughout life, unless it is changed through depth psychotherapy. The style of life is reflected in the unity of an individual's way of thinking, feeling, and acting. Often, bending an individual away from the needs of others or common sense, movements are made to relieve inferiority feelings or to compensate for those feelings with an unconscious fictional final goal. Classical Adlerian psychotherapy attempts to dissolve the archaic style of life and stimulate a more creative approach to living.

Adler felt he could distinguish four primary types of style. Three of them he said to be "mistaken styles". These include the ruling type: aggressive, dominating people who don't have much social interest or cultural perception; the getting type: dependent people who take rather than give; and the avoiding type: people who try to escape life's problems and take part in not much socially constructive activity. The fourth life style by Adler is the socially useful type: people with a great deal of social interest and activity.

No matter how you see it?

If you don't know what you are deeper than just using general titles to explain to others?

Who will they think you are or not?

You first have to tell people who you think you are and then if they are impressed enough to go further?
They will

And in time they will see a difference

Because it is natural for us humans to change and evolve

It's how you do it in style
Or not







respect

What you know about being like me?

I build houses from bricks thrown at me
I burn bullshit with brilliance
I bask in the glow of hate
I am not a role model
I am not real to you

I am

Black Man In An Elevator

See more like this on kontraband.com

You can bet that I am weak
And risk the loss
By gaining something deeper

Me in your ass

*snicker*

It's funny how my life works

Nobody else has a clue
But they get the feeling from my flow
That they don't want to know
And that is fine with me

But we all have to live
Publicly

But I am not like any of images you can respect

Because I was made to be feared
I was made to be shun
I was made to be dangerous

I am too much for too many

But there are some
Some who think that the universe revolves around their realm
The know of the eye
But they can't really see
Because they are not of the world I seek
Not that they are meek
But when I have to sneak
Just to be called more than a freak
It aint my game that is weak
It's to risk too much to have a peek

Alpha is not my wish
It is my reality
And in my style
I be a Master
I corrupt you faster
With more than just a fuck up, deserter and disaster

From a left handed step son of a bastard

I am a giant named Loki
Maybe that is too deep
But let your ass creep
And find some real shit you did not want to even seek

I am Sir Ez
Kinda Haf-ez
2 letters not the whole word
I am nor easy
No matter how easy it is to test me
You will never be rid of me
Because I be me
"Pimply"

I apply a style
That reeks of drama
I man of the world like Obama
The kind of man you were warned about from your Mama

And I am not as unique as I am complete
With room for enhancement
Advancement
I have spent more time being ready for your bullshit
Than many of you have known a bad habit
Born the year of the rabbit
This is my life and I gots to have it

And most of you have no clue
What the fuck I am into

But one thing is for sure

It's not about you

But similar enough for a few
That maybe we will meet when we do what we do
But that is on you

Weak people fall for weak game


What's your excuse?




respect

Help I'm stuck and I don't wanna stop...lol

Stuck





lawd


This lifestyle got me stuck between a rock and a hard dick


*snicker*


because I am sick of the normal bullshit


Of cat and mouse





I got a house


More like a condo


Ok


A room


With 9 walls


I call the Pimp Palace





A training post where I do the most


And host the brave and bewildered


Confused and horny


Never a day bore me





Because this lifestyle is a part of me


The heart of me





Finding new ways to define this world of mine


Learning how to respect the time


With no rhythm to the rhyme





I gets mine


And do just fine


But I'm stuck


Like Chuck on the back of a kinky truck


Suck


stuck play_w2("S0822000") (stk)
v.
Past tense and past participle of stick.

Stuck


stuck
Verb
the past of stick2
Adjective
1. Informal baffled by a problem or unable to find an answer to a question
2. be stuck on Slang to feel a strong attraction to; be infatuated with
3. get stuck in Informal to perform a task with determination



Suck


Adj. 1. stuck - caught or fixed; "stuck in the mud"
unstuck - free; "a man with a mule got my car unstuck"; "the gears locked in second and would not come unstuck"



2. stuck - baffled; "this problem has me completely stuck"
colloquialism - a colloquial expression; characteristic of spoken or written communication that seeks to imitate informal speech
perplexed - full of difficulty or confusion or bewilderment; "perplexed language"; "perplexed state of the world"



Stuck


stuck
adjective 1. fastened, fast, fixed, joined, glued, cemented
adjective 2. trapped, caught, ensnared
adjective 3. burdened, saddled, lumbered, landed, loaded, encumbered
adjective 4. (Informal) baffled, stumped, at a loss, beaten, nonplussed, at a standstill, bereft of ideas, up against a brick wall (informal) at your wits' end be stuck on something or someone (Slang) infatuated with, obsessed with, keen on, enthusiastic about, mad about, wild about (informal) hung up on (slang) crazy about, for, or over (informal) get stuck into something (Informal) set about, tackle, get down to, make a start on, take the bit between your teeth



There is power in words


Power is the use of words


Power in the definition of words





And I respect that





That's why I say I'm stuck





Like I can't get out of these ways


I can't ignore these days





Because these ways pays


In more ways


It stays


True to what you do


If you respect what you do


And stay true


To being stuck


In too deep


To creep back to the vanilla


I wish I will a way the way these ways pays


*snicker*





If you honor what you are and what you are not


Even if you forgot


Some of the rules to live by


I can't see why


These lifestyles can't improve more than just your sex life





But you have to have your head on right


Not just for a night


But tight


And ready to fight


For a better outcome


Even if you are not the one


You can be THAT ONE


And have some fun


Even when the fun is done


At least you had some





But to be stuck


Is the best poor excuse for giving a fuck


About doing more than fucking





This is adult parenthood


It can do any relationship some good


Not just the kinky brother and sisterhood


But even the people who should


Know how to grow


But alittle slow in the how department


Any part meant something more to masses


Who want to stay normal asses


But want to grasp this thing we get into a bit deeper





These lessons can help you keep her


Or keep him longer with honor


And not see a weak connection as a goner








So I'm stuck in one direction


I seek more protection


More construction


And less destruction





From idle misdirected seduction





Because I'm stuck wanting to do this a better way


Than any old way


I want to say


I am SSC everyday


In every way


All day





Even when I know it's hard to stay


Stuck





For learning how to get these lifestyles right


For getting my game tight


For getting through the bad nights


For surviving the bad fights





And enjoying more time to play


In a SSC way





I stuck


Trying to keep it real





But you know the deal


Some people would beg, borrow, and steal


Than be real


About the way we feel





About being stuck


Giving a fuck


About these sexual lifestyles





And how they these sexual lifestyles can add conformity


And respect for some normalcy





In my reality


In what ever style I wanna be





Stuck





Just being me















respect

Why respect service when there is reason to serve?

Service is different things to different people at different times
For different reasons

But whats the difference?

Why is there such a confusion of what is expected and what is worthy to give?

How do you see service if you are not actively serving anyone?

Not just in the manner of a D/s relationship
But in general as well

Doing things for the need of just doing something
Or doing something that has a purpose

let's check with the Sufi mystics:

He who does not know about service knows even less about mastership,
Tirmizi


Service is the performing of duty without either reluctance or delight.
The dutiful is neither an exploited slave not one who seeks reward.
People will get out of the performing of duty what they can get out of
it. If they put aside immediate enjoyment of duty and also immediate
reluctance to duty, they are in a position to benefit from the other
content of service. This it is which refines their perceptions.
Pahlawan-i-Zaif

The Sufi Law of Life requires:

Sincerity to God

Severity to self

Justice to all people

Service to elders

Kindness to the young
Generosity to the poor
Good counsel to friends
Forbearance with enemies
Indifference to fools
Respect to the learned,
Abdullah Ansari



Service to a Dog

It is related of Bayazid of Bastam that while on one of his many
pilgrimages to Mecca there was a drought. Bayazid came across a number
of people fighting over a pitiful amount of water. While this was going
on, Bayazid noticed a dog dying of thirst that looked up at him with sad
eyes and somehow seemed to say "You will gain great merit if you help
me, O Pilgrim!" Bayazid was fired with a sense of mission and began to
ask people "Will anyone buy the merit of hajj for a drink of water for
this dog?" Everyone ignored him so he offered the merit of two
pilgrimages, then three, four and so on until he was offering seventy
pilgrimages and at last someone agreed. But Bayazid fell under the spell
of his nafs at this point and became proud of his charitable act as he
placed the bowl of water down at the feet of the dog who looked up at
him with contempt and walked away without tasting a drop. Bayazid was
quick to learn his lesson and it seemed to him that he heard God speak
and God said "How many more times are you going to claim merit for one
thing or another when even a dog disdains your so-called service?" At
this point, Bayazid reached the station of Taubat - repentance. Until he
had reached that station, his Sabr or patience in persisting with asking
for water and his Khidmat or service to his fellow man were of nothing
and it only took a dog to teach him that because for someone with
Bayazid's capacity, anything can be a teacher and even service to a dog
can bring such a sincere seeker progress on The Path.

The Path is nothing other than service but it has to be service done in
the right way with the right intention. How formally this is worked out
is a matter for the individual.

Zoe

In the story of "service to a dog"
The moral is more about reason

What was the benefit of said service?

Sometimes we do things we THINK is worth being called service
Only to find the need not important
Or even needed

Yet some find just like the subject in the story the need to fight for the ability to serve
Without reason

What about Dominants?

Are they driven by the need to serve or be served?
Should it be a one way street?

Should it be more important for a submissive to be driven to serve their master
Yet
The Master is not driven to return the same degree of devotion to the submissive

Is service different for part time lifestylers who live regular lives elsewhere and seek Kinky play with a part time provider?

And what about the act it's self?

What if what is given is not as needed or important compared to what may be more needed and important to whom is being served?

Is sex considered service more than the actual act of something more non sexual?

And then there is the selfish need to serve

Selfless Service is a commonly used term to denote a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award for the person performing it. It is also sometimes used to denote a service performed with no apparent 'earthly' result, but which may accrue results in a spiritual or heavenly realm after death, although in the pure sense of the term that would not qualify as a strictly 'selfless' action.

Some sub missives seem to consider the need to serve for their own return more than the possibility of need by the Dominant or provider

Many complain about the demands of many Dominants of all types
They complain about giving too much or being taken for a fool

But what is the motivation to serve?

And is service a natural act or pre meditated?


Why serve if there is no reason other than the return for said service?

I know there are many who advertise the need for service
And others who advertise the need to serve

But why?
How?
When?

What kind of service are you driven to serve for or not?

In many D/s relationships
Many people consider what they do in a D/s relationship
To be driven more by S/M

How do you see it?

Service





respect

Maybe you need to find a different D/s...lol

"Some of these subs are looking for the wrong 'D', so busy
looking for a Dom when what they need is a doctor"
"...and some of the Doms should be
looking for a pSychiatrist instead of a sub."





I think that statement was the most profound I have seen from many of these drama queens and kings of comedy
And kink
*snicker*

I know a great deal about mental health
And I have studied a great deal about mental dysfunctions

And I have seen more than my fair share of it this so called lifestyle community and it's people in it

Maybe it's because while I am seen as many things by many of them type people
I also see many traits of mental disorders in many of the same people who seem to be more verbal about others as well

And maybe they know a bit about SM D/s and their craft
They don't know much about mental disorders
(it shows)
And how to best or better deal with them
Or themselves

So let's dig a bit deeper into the many things that effect the images of this lifestyle many claim to be a part of

The number 1 threat to this lifestyle and to basic relationship issues with many of you who are seeking mates is:
Co-Dependency

The word co-dependency is typically used to describe people who gravitate toward unhealthy relationships. Co-dependents live their lives through someone else. They feel controlled by others and they also feet the need to control others.

Co-dependence is learned. It includes behaviors, feelings and beliefs which lead to sacrificing values and personal needs in exchange for love and approval of others. Co-dependents take responsibility for others and neglect their own wants and needs. They are caretakers out of the need to be perceived as worthwhile because they are desperate for approval. This differs from caretakers who feel good about themselves and help people out of choice.

Most co-dependents appear to be strong and in control. However, inside they often feel inadequate and scared, and they desperately fear a loss of control. The need to control is usually an attempt to reduce their anxiety.

Most co-dependent people have been raised in dysfunctional families. They were taught that they were not important. They were encouraged to set aside their own needs and wants, and take care of others. In most cases, they acted adult-like as children.

People experience co-dependency in different ways. Typical characteristics include:

	An exaggerated sense of responsibility and yet difficulty making decisions.
	A preoccupation with others wants and problems, while neglecting themselves. This includes being compassionate and loyal even to those who might be hurtful to them. It also involves a difficulty knowing and expressing their own feelings - and yet having sensitivity toward others feelings. Others' attitudes determine their reaction and other people are responsible for their happiness.
	Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. Co-dependents have learned that "love" and pain go together, and therefore they gravitate to needy or abusive people. They fear being rejected and hurt. They may appear nondemanding, but beneath this is a feeling of urgency for love and approval. There is a reluctance to trust others because that involves being vulnerable and/or asking for help. There is also a fear of abandonment, rejection and loneliness, and, therefore, the co-dependent will easily sacrifice their own needs to keep the relationship going.
	Perfectionism. Co-dependents set inordinate expectations for themselves, thinking that if they succeed they will gain worth. Because what others do is a reflection of themselves, co-dependents also expect a lot of others.
	Guilt, often felt when co-dependents stand up for themselves or are criticized. Co-dependents also experience discomfort when they are praised.
	A tendency to use food, exercise, work, sex, excitement, and alcohol or drugs to help deny problems and to numb uncomfortable feelings.

The job of recovering co-dependents is to become "undependent." This involves learning to love, accept, nurture and take care of themselves. It includes realizing that they, alone, are the center of their own lives and that others, although important, cannot exist in the center of their lives. It also entails accepting responsibility for creating their own experiences and feelings; and at the same time not taking responsibility for the experiences and feelings of others. As co-dependents learn to love and trust themselves, they will discover they have plenty of energy to do what they want as well as to love others.

If you would like to read more, the following are books about co-dependency:

	Beyond Co-dependency by Beattie
	Co-dependent No More by Beattie
	The Dance of Anger by Lerner
	Healing the Child Within by Whitfield
	Healing Together by Kritsberg
	Learning to Love Yourself by Wegscheider-Cruse
	Little Miss Perfect by LeBoutillier
	Lost in the Shuffle by Subby
	Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them by Forward
	Recovery from Co-dependency by Weiss
	Struggle for Intimacy by Woititz
	Women Who Love Too Much by Norwood

by Joan Miller, Ph.D. 2520 Windy Hill Rd. Suite 106 Marietta, GA 30067


I learned a bit about many of these disorders while my Mom was Cobb County Mental Health Director

As well as all the time she studied and was trained in identifying these disorders
I studied them too along with her and on my own time as well
As well as audited many college classes
Read many medical journals
Seen first hand many cases issues in real life

I digress

What I have learned first hand in viewing many of these different people around this lifestyle is that this lifestyle is a breeding ground for mentally dysfunctional people

Both Dominant and sub missive alike
(switches too)

Nobody is perfect
But some people are more mentally damaged than they want to admit or even able to allow their egos to allow them to be seen as less than they want to be seen as

So they hide behind these titles and in their dysfunctional social circles of like minded people

And there is no pride in like minded crazy people who seek others to gossip about
When they themselves all suffer from a few major mental dysfunctions themselves

Co-dependency is one of the main dysfunctions of modern day relationships

Along with Bi Polarism
(over 78% of all Americans suffer from some sort of bi polarism)

So how do you identify them?
What do you do when you find that someone has a mental disorder?
How do you treat them as a provider?
How do you deal with the side effects of medications given or not taken by them?
Are their any holistic treatments you can offer?
Are you trained and able to try to offer assistance?
What?

From what I have studied so far in this lifestyle and how it connects to the ability to offer assistance to mentally dysfunctional people who come to you in this lifestyle

You have to deal with it or call it what it is and is not worth trying to deal with


Just because you know a bit about this lifestyle does not give you the ability to deal with mentally disturbed people
Even if they look and feel just fine
They may not be

And it's not that hard to see many who do have special needs

And many people do not know what a special needs submissive is
Let alone what to do with them

Yet
You see so many of these lifestyle types
Jumping to the rescue of others they are not trained to handle

And it causes more drama and abuse
And the lifestyle community plays rumor mill to issues they are not aware of or able to understand

All they know is there is another person who is not doing something right

Most times you see them jumping on some poor Dom who took a poor mentally disturbed sub missive that is in need of more than they are able to offer

So it turns into another case of abuse and neglect
But in theory it's their fault for fucking with whoever comes to you for some sexual servitude
Only to find out they are in need of some mental therapy

And being that the ONE rule that most Dominants never respect
Never seems to be honored
(contacting the past owner or provider for instructions on what they have learned in dealing with them while in their care)

There is no honor between Dominants and Providers
Not even for the ability to provider better care than the last

Pride and ego in this lifestyle is also a threat to this lifestyle

Just because

So maybe many of you NEED to see a doctor
Maybe some of you need to see a therapist

Maybe some of you need to seek professional help
And not sexual assistance

But as long as many of you conduct yourselves as you do now
In this so called lifestyle of POCs

All you do is hurt each other more
And this lifestyle
As it is seen by others who wish more out of it than many of you provide while you gossip and drive a all ready out of control rumor mill

Mental health is a very real subject

More real than just what some of these so called real lifestylers know anything about

And that aint gonna change by changing your name to some Irish title

Even the Irish are just as mentally dysfunctional

*sadistic snicker*


So what are you really defending YOUR lifestyle community for?

Pride?

Where is the pride in allowing so much drama to run amuck
In your own community

And offer nothing more than gossip and back bitting

Maybe that is the best that you can do
Or will do

But is that enough?

Maybe more people should stand up and call out many of these mentally unstable people what they are


Mentally unstable


Then again
Maybe you just know how to strut around acting like your own shit don't stank?

Is that what these people should consider SSC?

Maybe we should look at the mental stability of our own providers and Dominants too

Because I can clearly see a few who need to get a grip of their own ego and start offering more than just bullshit too

And they are family too
But we all have crazy family too
Don't we?

*snicker*

But if you want to use this lifestyle for your own sexual ego?

Then maybe you don't respect the power of sex
And it's mental effect on unstable people

And knowing how better to deal with it or not
Faster!


There are some real mentally disturbed people hiding behind some really mentally dysfunctional people they call friends

And they are in this lifestyle too

Deal with it!







respect

For help with this subject try this site
http://NCSFreedom.org