Friday, December 25, 2009

Chuuuchhhh...Tabernackle. *snicker*



I am Arch Bishop AMP Sir EZ

Of da Chuuchhhh

Ove da Ever Cummin.

*evil grin*

And Before We Be-gin to dig into tonights "eric" sermon

Wezz gonna have a song frum our guest band



Now understand that these kind of Church socials don't pay for them selves.

So I want all of yall to dig deep in your finances and grant us your LOVE offering for the kind host of tonights gathering.

Now give till it hurts.

And don't be shammed because we don't mind the kind that jingles but we would rather the kind that folds!

Da LAWd says NOTHING says that you like CASH!

*snicker*


Now anyhoe...


I want to start off this sermon with a short quiz.

will da chucchhh say amen?

...


Now I got a letta frum da HNIC at da Big White House tiday

And what He told Me was...

He said...

Brother EZ

Because THATS what He callz Me

He said

Brother EZ

And I said to My self

I said

SELF!

Because thats what I callz Myself

I said

SELF

Whatever He iz about to tellz Me must be impoetint

And I reads on in da letta

He says

Brother EZ

It is with Humble Gangsta Dom that I send You this message

I want to bless You with some Game I been wurkin wit lately

And I reads on


He says Brother EZ

And I pay close attention to what He wrightin hur cuz I can FEEEEELLL

It's gonna be heavy!

He says

Brother EZ

"What a difference a few beers amungst menz can make"

After pride puts a bitter taste in your mouth.

And I stop right thh-air!

And reads it again

He says

Brother EZ

WHAT

A

DIFFERENCE

A few beers can make!

Just cillin with the menz over cigars and crackers

Crackin jokes and keeping it real

Face to face

On My Back Pad-eyo

Mano e mano

*evil look*

And I reads on...

He says

Brother EZ

Because thats what He callz Me

Nevah Mind what I call Him

DATz My friend

And we aint kin

Be He's My folks!

And that Brother got mad jokes!

Anyhater

I read on...

He says

Conflict resolution


Let Me say this again cause sum ove you aint listenin

He said


CONFLICT RESO_LUTION

Is no substitution


For restrain

And

REALITY


Nowwww


Let Me break this DOWN fore ya

"because this is very impoetinit"

He said

CON- FLICT

Now stop right there!

Now

Even a ex con no better than to flick off some real talk

If it's gonna save him some time

Now let Me keep going here and I'll get back to this word right here...


He says

Conflict

Rez-oh-lew-shun

Resolution

Not substitution

Not revolution

He said!

Rest a too shun

Now we all know

We all can use a little moe rest!

Amen?

Ahhh Ahhh

And To SHUN

Anything you turn your back on shall tap you on the shoulder
And smack you like a bolder

If you don't think!

Like Areatha Franklin

Think!

About your actions and what they may cause you to do to somebody else that may not have done no harm to you

So Conflict Resolution

Is the key words of this message


Now let Me get back to this letter I got from My HNIC!

Addressed to Me

Arch Bishop AMP
Sir EZ

It says

Conflict Resolution is as simple as taking the time to talk it out over a beer or two

As long as you can keep it real.

And I reads that and says

Lawd Have Mercy On My Soul

I have enlightened

But so few words.

And

Now church

For the matter of time

Because I see that sister So and So has to go get the dinners we are selling down stairs

Directly after we finish here with the lawds work.

Now

Let Me get back to why this letter

Was so enlightening to your Pastor.

I said to My self I said Self!

because that's what I callz My Self

I says

Self!

How

CAN I

Bring this message

BACK

To My Flock

and so I meditated on these words in this message

Over some spiritual herbs and elixirs

And this is what came to Me

While I was in tranced

In deep meditation

And

Contemplation

Of

this message


It hit Me like a orgasm!

Or maybe that was sister charles

Who was on her knees

Praying with Me

Anyhead


I heard the words come down upon Me from GOD himself

He said


AMP

Because GOD likes to call Me AMP

Yeah,

Alpha Master Pimp

AMP!

He says AMP


Tell them

And I listened while GOD spoke because

GOD

Don't like to say things TOOO many time

he says


AMP!

Tell

Your

People

Let that ISH go!

Just stop!

Get control of your emotional triggars

Pump your brakes!

And

THINK

About what may you be missing

That may sound like your dissing

Your fellow man

Because we may be human

But we don't have to understand

Every custom and quirk

That causes feelings to be hurt

Or remind them of some dirt


They may have wanted to forget


He said

Tell them to STOP

And watch what they may not notice somebody else

May not understand why you said what you said they way you said it.

And I said

Lawd...

Now you know My heart!

So when I ask you this question

Take it easy on Me with the lesson

I may have to learn

Because I don't want to burn

Over some mis understanding

And the Lawd said

Ok

Deal

And I said

Lawd

If it be thy will

How can we still have such a problem with not wanting to learn how to better respect

Conflict Resolution

AND The Lawd Spoke

And He said

Stop

Focus

Listen

Step back

THINK

and then

React


And I cried real tears because My fears were no more!


Because it is that easy

Sometimes


Hello church!

I said

SOME

TIMES

We all have to stop!

And then focus on what seems to be missing in your words

Then listen to their reaction

Try to add and don't play subtraction

In your interaction

And then

STEP BACK

And

THINK

Before you react


And it's just that simple

Don't hate the player

Don't play the haters game

There is no shame in conflict resolution

You have to have faith

That they aint that damn stupid


*evil grin*

And that part was in

The letter I got

From The HNIC

Too


So I'm telling you tonight

Don't always be more ready to fight

Than you can be

IF

You can see

We are having a lack of communication


And with that chuchhhh.


I'm gonna leave yall with words in song

Frum are guess choir





And while the choir is playing we will be passing around the plate.

We ask that you give till it hurts

We ask that you make a down payment on your blessings to come

And we will keep you cummin

Let the church say


Amen

Amen


Aye man

 




And before I forget again


Don't forget


The Kitchen is now open

We only take cash for the food

And there are plenty of ATMs for you to use


Now with the words that come from My mouth

And the blessing that flow from My heart

Let the church say again


Reach over to the person next to you and say

Neighbor

NOTHING

SAYS THANK YOU


Like Cash!


Amen?


*wicked grin*



respect

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